In life one of the hard lessons I’ve learned is that there’s a profound difference between wanting and getting. Wanting leaves open the window of great expectations where the actual getting has the hard finality of real world consequences. For most of my post-teaching professional career, the only thing on earth I wanted to do was run my own operations center and be at the center of the action. It’s a hell of a way to live and almost never a dull moment.
While I’ve held my own over the last year and even excelled at some points, what I have discovered is that my real talents don’t lie in running an operation. They lie in developing the grand strategies and seeing the big picture that the entire organization will follow. With my own frustration rising to a point that I haven’t seen since I was still teaching, I decided it was time for a change.
To make a long story shortish, I asked my boss if he would endorse a reassignment if I formally requested one. He offered training and a lot of other things to try to change my decision, but I think even he knows that if I’m talking about it openly, my mind is made up. So, yeah, I’m putting the wheels in motion for another change. If all goes well, I’ll still be here in Memphis, just down the hall from where I’m sitting now. Someone once told me that I seem happiest when I’m the calm center surrounded by mayhem and chaos. Maybe that’s true… and since nature has been letting me down in the mayhem and chaos department, perhaps I’ve decided to create my own.
I’ve been kicking it around for a long time and I think I want a dog. I know I’m not home on a consistent enough basis at this point to even think about getting one, but having a dog would be nice. There was always a dog nocking around while I was growing up and now that I’ve got the space the only thing holding me back is the amount of time I’m not here. I’m putting a bookmark in the idea, but it’s going to on my list of things to do… How’s that for your random thought of the day?
I didn’t wake up this morning until 7:45. Yes, for me that counts as sleeping in. After a solid ten hours of sleep, my outlook on the world has improved dramatically. It’s the first Saturday in a long time when my schedule wasn’t preset by class work so at the moment, I actually have absolutely nothing on my “must do” list.
I think I’m going to enjoy having my life back.
It’s been one of those weeks where you seem to have the opposite of the Midas Touch. Instead of turning to gold, everything you touch turns to a big steaming pile of shit. Of course there will be weeks like that from time to time, but this one was just exceptionally bad. I’m just starting to come down from the caffeine-fueled last week of class while on the road and readjusting to life as a semi-normal person. The antibiotics I was taking for a sinus infection didn’t quite get all of the little bastards, so I’m fighting off a sore throat again and not sleeping all that well. So, yeah, generally the week has been a real pisser.
So I have a new obsession. Thanks to an old friend, I discovered the infamous World of Warcraft. So now after a long day at work, I get to come home and thump on flying dogs and zombie bastards… This is an unexpectedly enjoyable way to burn a few hours… and at least to this point has been totally cathartic. In fact, I think I’m off to slice and dice a few things before my fogeyish bedtime of 9:30. Something else will distract me soon enough but for now this is pretty slick.
P.S. Yes, I know I’m a geek. Sue me.
It’s just before 9:00 AM. The last assignment is posted. The last course evaluation is turned it. My status is changed from MBA student to MBA candidate. Once the final grade posts, I can apply for graduation.
I’m battered and tired, but I’m done. Tomorrow is a federal holiday and somewhere out on the Atlantic, the sun is over the yardarm. It’s time for a tasty adult beverage and I’m heading to the casino.
There are few things better in life than a full tank of gas, an open road, and new songs on the iPod. Those things are less good when your road trip takes you from Memphis to Mobile, Alabama. My drive today could have been a case study in rural poverty. Almost 400 miles of nothing dotted with trailers, closed storefronts, and the battle flag of the Army of Northern Virginia fluttering over it all. Having grown up “down the crick,” I thought I knew something about the indigenous redneck subculture of the Eastern United States.
Clearly, I was wrong on that score. Sure, I know intellectually that there are examples of crushing poverty easily within a few miles drive of where I grew up, but I really hadn’t ever given much thought to places like that still existing… but there they are. Right there on the roadside somewhere, almost anywhere, between Memphis and Mobile. Once you manage to overlook the scenery, or the distinct lack of scenery, it was a hell of a drive. I think on my way back to Memphis, I’ll plot an all-interstate course to avoid the unpleasantness on my way back to suburban bliss.
I’m in the midst of my big push to the end of this interminably long MBA program. With 3600 words down and probably another 2000 or so to go, I can say with unmitigated giddiness that I am totally over this whole process. I’m ready to be done. I’m ready to have my weekends back. I’m ready to have another pretty certificate to hang on my “I’m wonderful” wall. Still, somehow, I can’t quite quiet the small voice inside my head that spends its days whispering “what’s next?”
I haven’t given it all that much thought yet, really and at this point I don’t really want to. Just now, I’m basking in the reflected glory of knowing that in 9 days, I won’t *have to* do anything. I’m thoroughly looking forward to a stretch of only doing those things that I want to do for a change.
If a man’s home is his castle, mine is now defended by a 6’2’’ stockade fence. I was just in the back yard and not only could I not see the dipshit neighbor’s overgrown yard, but their poor dumb Rottweilers didn’t know I was out there; which means they didn’t spend the half an hour barking at me.
It was peace, quiet, and a significantly decreased level of annoyance. I know of at least a few trees that didn’t die in vain.
I’m probably a lot more excited about this than I should be, but I finally found a landscape contractor and have him under contract to put in my fence. Assuming the weather holds, there should be a crew here tomorrow setting the posts. No more view of the neighbor’s ratty-assed, weed ridden back yard… Now that’s worth twice the estimate.