Monthly Archives: January 2024

Like art and pornography…

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I really didn’t know what to expect when I cut down the blog from something I posted every night to just two days a week. I’d been five-a-week for so long it represented a surprisingly significant change in my evening. One thing I didn’t expect though, is how much of an embarrassment of riches it would yield in terms of how many things I had the option to write about in any given week. 

This week, for instance, I thought about taking on the federal government’s continued fumbling of border security, the Iranian backed attack on US troops in Jordan, my MAGA-led county government’s ongoing efforts to gut the local school system, and some additional thoughts on my ongoing efforts to be vaguely less unhealthy. Any number of those topics could stand alone as a single post, or even as a series of posts. Each and every one of them is its own particular brand of shitshow. 

I assume that’s why, when it came time to sit down and start writing, that I couldn’t get past the first sentence or two. They’re all big issues in their own way, but damn am I tired of picking apart all the great foibles of the 21st century. I’m even more tired of spending my free time pondering the vagaries of health and diet.

With all that said, I decided I didn’t have it in me to write one of those posts just in the name of it being Monday. Being an election year, there will be ample opportunities to delve into the absurdities of contemporary American politics. The Middle East seems determined to go hot again at any moment, so there will be plenty of time to go through that meatgrinder. I’ve got a few doctors appoints stacked up over the back half of the winter. I’m sure that will be the topic of at least a few posts after the fact. 

I’m feeling a need to branch out a bit, although I’m not sure in my own head exactly what that means. In any case, I need some fresh topics to get my hands – and head – around. As for what form that might take or even what those issues are, I don’t have the foggiest idea. Like art and pornography, I suppose it’s just something I’ll know when I see it. 

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Apple Watch. I’m not 100% convinced that my Apple Watch is helpful. Cardiology recommended it because of the quick ability to run a simple EKG if my heart rate ever takes off at a running gallop for any reason. Otherwise, it’s just becoming a repository for a whole bunch of new data that I can obsess and crank up my anxiety about. A true double edged sword. Days when I’m busy and don’t check my heart rate or oxygen saturation or any of the 300 other data points it serves up at the touch of a button are fine. But the days when my brain isn’t occupied and has time to dwell, things get a little froggy. I’m not entirely sure vital statistics wouldn’t be better left in MyChart and collected only at periodic doctor’s visits. At least there, things are in context. Living on my phone, though, they’re just an invitation to deep dive Reddit threads and lose hours on self-diagnosis.

2. Bureaucracy. The Defender’s first temporary registration was slated to expire on Saturday. Land Rover overnighted me a new set of temporary plates without any trouble, but asides from kudos to them for making it relatively painless, this shouldn’t be something that even needs to be discussed. None of this would be an issue if we weren’t working through the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles to get things processed through the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration, both state agencies well known for the speed with which they process taxpayer requests. I wish I was surprised that something as dead simple routine as issuing new license plates apparently takes more than 30 days, but here we are, not surprised but thoroughly annoyed.

3. The MAGA party. I’m sorry, but in the year two thousand and twenty-four of the common era, I’m finding it increasingly hard to believe this is even still a thing. I know the philosopher said “you can fool some of the people all the time,” but at some point, it simply becomes less a case of misdirection and something more like willful disregard for reality. I try to mostly tune out the noise, but the fact that it exists at all is wholly absurd. 

Getting to know you…

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I don’t suppose it will come as a surprise to anyone that I’m not especially adept at dating. I don’t know what the cool kids like doing in their free time… and mostly I don’t care. Apparently, though, I’m even worse when it’s time to engage in the getting to know you small talk that’s the true bane of social interaction. 

Let me give you a for instance. I was talking to someone last week, laying out our likes and dislikes, when she mentioned enjoying “house parties.”

My eyes lit up and I opined extensively on the late-Victorian and Edwardian era’s parties thrown at the great houses across England and their flair for not particularly subtle opulence. I even offered a couple of good book recommendations on the topic as I’d recently read several that covered some of the legendary parties at Chatsworth and Blenheim. 

As it turns out she meant she liked going to a friend or associate’s house where someone may or may not have brought a keg or some $3 wine… and not studying the habits and trends of the 19th and early 20thcentury British aristocracy.

House party. Same words, two entirely different meanings. 

About one a year I go through a phase where I decide to put myself “out there.” It’s becoming increasingly clear that I honestly shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people without the whole thing being heavily scripted.

It’s safe to say I’m not surprised we haven’t had any further conversations.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Trash Tech. Now that I’m without a pickup truck for the first time in more than a decade, I embraced my inner suburbanite and hired a trash company. I failed to do my due diligence. Honestly, I looked around at some of the cans sitting out when I walked around the neighborhood and threw a dart. Had I bothered to read the reviews on Trash Tech, I’d have never signed on. By “trash day” on the first week, they hadn’t delivered cans. They didn’t bother to come by to pick up on the second week at all. Their office staff, though pleasant enough, blatantly lied 3x when contacted by phone. So, they were terminated for cause in less than three weeks. I’ve since signed on with a company that’s much better reviewed and had glowing recommendations when I asked some of the neighbors.

2. Cold. For as long as I can remember I’ve been hot. Or at least I’ve felt hot. What no one mentions when you start losing weight is how goddamned cold you’ll be all winter. I’ve got extra comforters in the bed. Two layers of almost everything on and I’m still cold. For the first time in my life, I understand the impulse that leads people to move south. I’m not going to do that, of course, but I increasingly understand why people do. It’s absurd.

3. Food. Not really. I love food. I just still don’t particularly love the kind of food I’ve been cooking for months now. It tastes ok. It’s sustenance. There’s not one drop of joy in the eating, though. That’s the circle I haven’t been able to square yet. Maybe I never will. I want food that tastes like home, but what keeps showing up on my dinner plate is full of fresh veg, low fat protein, and a reasonable amount of sodium… but it doesn’t contain a hint of love. Food should be more than just fuel otherwise I honestly don’t know what we’re doing here.

New whip…

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After a great deal of consideration and a lot of shopping, I traded off both the Tundra and the Wrangler in favor of bringing home a shiny new Land Rover Defender. 

As a young man, it’s a one of those vehicles I saw in magazines and occasionally on television or movies and thought, if I ever make it, that’s the kind of car I want to drive. As the years passed, I made the rounds – sedans, coupes, sports cars with great growling V8s, pickup trucks, and 4×4’s. I’ve never been particularly brand loyal. At various times, I’ve owned Fords, Chevys, Pontiacs, Toyotas, and Jeeps depending on what caught my fancy at the time. But putting one of the great British overlanders in the garage was always a dream, even if it was one that felt unlikely.

Given the state of the automotive industry, with its ongoing emphasis on transitioning to hybrids or all electrics, it finally felt like the time was right. If I didn’t do it now, I might never have the chance to own a proper petrol-powered Land Rover. It was a now or never moment before the motor car transforms forever from internal combustion to whatever comes next.

So here I am, with what’s sure to be a quirky, expensive to maintain, premium fuel guzzling, British (by way of Slovakia) import.

All the forums question the reliability of these new model Defenders. I got the same warnings every time I bought another Jeep and had two remarkably reliable vehicles. Ask me in four or five years how I feel about it, but for now I absolutely adore my Pangea green, white roofed, old fashioned steel wheeled throwback.

Whatever else it is, it’s a very pretty thing that I’m dearly glad to have.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Wrinkles. Look, the losing weight has been fine. I’m down around 85 pounds since July. The catch is, I’ve apparently been losing weight in my forehead. I can’t help but notice when I throw the right facial expressions, there’s a definite wrinkle in the fabric now. As I race through the back half of my 45th year, it shouldn’t be a surprise, but I know damned well it wasn’t there 30 or 40 pounds ago. I’m not an especially vain person, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find this… troubling. 

2. Caffeine. About two months ago I made a concerted effort to start weening myself off caffeine. Having survived in a steady diet of coffee since I was 15, it was no small undertaking. The doc and a therapist both noted that caffeine could sometimes exacerbate anxiety, so it had to go. After two weeks of intermittent headaches, it was mostly ok. Today, having felt as good for the last few days as I’ve felt in months, I decided to treat myself to an iced tea with lunch. Bad decision. By quitting time my anxiety was doing its thing and didn’t ease up until bedtime. Lesson learned, I guess. It’s decaf and caffeine free soda for the foreseeable future. Obviously not the end of the world, but it’s hard not to notice – and grieve – the things that continue to fall away under this new regime of mine. 

3. Presidential immunity. According to Donald Trump’s attorney, John Sauer, a sitting president would be immune from prosecution if he ordered Seal Team Six to assassinate a political opponent. Not only is this a wild misapplication of what any reasonable person would consider the proper bounds of immunity, but it also raises an inevitable question. If this interpretation of immunity is held to be valid by the courts, what’s to stop President Biden from launching a cruise missile attack on Mar-a-Lago the next time Donald lays that giant melon of his down to sleep? The whole line of thinking is batshit crazy.

And we’re back…

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After Christmas I took a little break. I was feeling legitimately good for the first time in months, there was a lot going on. Honestly, I just didn’t have the normal burning desire to sit down and get anything off my chest.

Today, however, I spent my first day back at work working in the actual office. Rest assured after eight hours as a standard office drone, I’m cured of not having anything to say. I won’t say it’s a great routine, but it is a routine and I appreciate it for that if nothing else.

Somewhere along the way, I think we’ve all been led to believe that the purpose of vacation is to enjoy some downtime and come back rejuvenated. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, as I don’t think I’ve ever come back from a vacation re-energized and excited to be back to work. At this stage it’s safe to say that’s just not who I’m ever going to be as a person.

But back I am. Because the animals are expensive and I’d well and truly suck at living under a bridge or sleeping on the nearest park bench. There are, if nothing else, standards to be maintained.

I won’t say the day was entirely unproductive, though. I did spend an unreasonable amount of time today plugging in all the federal holidays for 2024 into Outlook and starting to plot how to maximize my days off for this new year. So I’ve got that going for me.