If I had to take a guess, I’d say that they average people who work in the same gilded cage that I do have an average age of somewhere north of 50. That puts the majority of them squarely in the analog world… You know, the one where people wear watches, know how to use typewriters, and complain about people to send text messages. The little corner of this world that where I pretend to have influence has an average age hovering somewhere around 33 or 34 years and… and this is where worlds inevitably collide – the digital versus the analog.

I bring this up because we’re in the midst of ordering a number of things that only make sense if you think in analog… Like wall clocks with our organizational logo on them. That’s nice enough and all, but in looking around just inside the four walls of my cube, I count at least five things that tell me the time that has been synchronized with the network to be reasonably close to the “official” U.S. time as reported from National Institute of Standards and Technology. I’m not exactly sure why we need something that’s going to give a less accurate, battery-powered approximation of the time hanging across the room on the wall, but we’re going to have ‘em, by God. It’s not a big deal, just a nod to doing things the old fashioned way for a less than apparent reason.

That pretty much sets the tone for the next “must have” item in the order… ergonomic, screen printed, mouse pads for everyone! The logic here, of course, is that a branded mouse pad is just the kind of item that will help build unit cohesion and boost morale. Really? A mouse pad? That’ll be a great way to make sure out trackballs don’t… oh, wait… No one has trackballs any more. We have optical mice that bounce a friggin’ laser off your desk… or your leg… or the wall… or your dog’s back in a pinch. Unless your desk is made out of lexan or you have one of those really cool sheet glass covers on your faux-hardwood credenza, it’s pretty much something that’ll be going in a drawer and never seeing the light of day again.

Please, for the love of God, the saints, and all things good and holy, people… stop thinking in analog. The digital camera isn’t going to steal your soul and your laptop, even your crust old Dell 620s, can be used for more than writing email and Word documents. And another thing, stop asking for tethering on your Blackberries and aircards for your laptops. It’s the same interwebs your tying into. We’re not talking about Mission-to-Mars technology here, folks… all I’m asking is that you figure out how to use basic office equipment. Sigh.