Monthly Archives: June 2010

Analog hell…

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If I had to take a guess, I’d say that they average people who work in the same gilded cage that I do have an average age of somewhere north of 50. That puts the majority of them squarely in the analog world… You know, the one where people wear watches, know how to use typewriters, and complain about people to send text messages. The little corner of this world that where I pretend to have influence has an average age hovering somewhere around 33 or 34 years and… and this is where worlds inevitably collide – the digital versus the analog.

I bring this up because we’re in the midst of ordering a number of things that only make sense if you think in analog… Like wall clocks with our organizational logo on them. That’s nice enough and all, but in looking around just inside the four walls of my cube, I count at least five things that tell me the time that has been synchronized with the network to be reasonably close to the “official” U.S. time as reported from National Institute of Standards and Technology. I’m not exactly sure why we need something that’s going to give a less accurate, battery-powered approximation of the time hanging across the room on the wall, but we’re going to have ‘em, by God. It’s not a big deal, just a nod to doing things the old fashioned way for a less than apparent reason.

That pretty much sets the tone for the next “must have” item in the order… ergonomic, screen printed, mouse pads for everyone! The logic here, of course, is that a branded mouse pad is just the kind of item that will help build unit cohesion and boost morale. Really? A mouse pad? That’ll be a great way to make sure out trackballs don’t… oh, wait… No one has trackballs any more. We have optical mice that bounce a friggin’ laser off your desk… or your leg… or the wall… or your dog’s back in a pinch. Unless your desk is made out of lexan or you have one of those really cool sheet glass covers on your faux-hardwood credenza, it’s pretty much something that’ll be going in a drawer and never seeing the light of day again.

Please, for the love of God, the saints, and all things good and holy, people… stop thinking in analog. The digital camera isn’t going to steal your soul and your laptop, even your crust old Dell 620s, can be used for more than writing email and Word documents. And another thing, stop asking for tethering on your Blackberries and aircards for your laptops. It’s the same interwebs your tying into. We’re not talking about Mission-to-Mars technology here, folks… all I’m asking is that you figure out how to use basic office equipment. Sigh.

Stupid is as stupid does…

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Dear AT&T Mobility,

Wow. This is the third time I have written you in the last year. Our times together just seem to get better and better. You’re doing a real bang up job of rolling out these new devices and making sure the service we receive is top notch. Dropping unlimited data was a real score for you on Monday. And if that weren’t enough goodness for your customers, making 140,000 of your iPad customer’s email addresses and SIM numbers available through your website was a real treat for those of us who spent $700+ for the device and $360 a year for your service.

I did notice that a security consultant rushed to your defense this afternoon and reminded us that “It’s not like peoples’ Social Security or credit card numbers were compromised.” If “it could have been worse” is the best defense you can muster, well I guess I buy that. I mean it was only 140,000 customers for Heaven’s sake. Hard to believe that anyone would want to make a fuss about it, really. And thank you ever so much for not letting anyone know about this officially. It was so refreshing to read this on Google News before getting an email from you explaining what had happened and what you had done to address the problem.

So, AT&T, all I can say is that you’re a real class act. I’m proud to be a long-time customer. Keep up the truly magnificent work.

Your friend,

Jeff

P.S. If you talk to Apple any time soon, let them know that they should be super-proud to be standing right there next to you through all of this.

Boat Drinks…

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I love the islands. There’s something in the sea breeze and blue water stretching away in all directions that I, like most others, find remarkably appealing. For the most part, what I’m thinking about from the time I leave the tropics is what I need to do to get myself back there as soon as possible. When I hit that Powerball jackpot, you’ll at least know the general latitudes where you can start looking for me.

Since I haven’t yet figured out a non-lottery related way to get there permanently, bringing some of the islands back with me becomes pretty important. I’ve been working on nailing a rum punch recipe off and on for about a year now. It’s pretty straight forward boat drink, but the proportions can throw you off a bit. This afternoon, though, I think I hit on a recipe that works for me. Here’s the skinny… You’re gonna need some juice… and rum:

1 part light rum
2 part amber rum
2 parts orange juice
2 parts pineapple juice
1 part lime juice
.5 part lemon juice
.5 part grenadine

Garnish with pineapple slice and a cherry and you’ll have the closest approximation I’ve been able to concoct to my favorite boat drink ever. It’s great on a hot, humid evening like this one…

It’s all about the hype…

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Compared to the iPad announcement back in March, the expected announcement tomorrow the next-generation iPhone is just around the corner seems to be practically drifting gently into that good night. That’s to be expected, I suppose, as most people aren’t all that interested in new tech until they can actually hold it in their hands. That’s well and good. Tomorrow is more of a holiday for the early adopters among us anyway. Of course there are too many rumors to speculate on at the moment, but it would appear to be reasonable to expect a wholly new form factor, a higher resolution display, more powerful processor, two cameras, and, of course OS4. Most everything else seems up for grabs, including the date when it will actually be available for sale. Rumors on that are everything from the day after tomorrow to June 27th. My personal guesstimate is leaning more towards the end of the month. Any earlier than that and we’re almost certainly be hearing rumors circulating about delivery plan or other pre-sale groundwork being put in place. Hopefully mid-afternoon tomorrow, I’ll at least know when I need to schedule leave later in the month.

As a rule, I hate to feel like I’m on the receiving end of a sales pitch, but for me at least, iPhone is a product that has basically sold itself. Given Apple’s iterative method of introducing product improvements, I’m really looking forward to seeing what extras are in store (multitasking, please? Please?). I’ve given the phone a pass on alot of things because what it does, it does so well, but I’m really needing this version to bring most of the loose ends together. Maybe that way I can continue to forgive AT&T’s god-awful service and crippling data limits.

AT&T… You fail. Again.

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Dear AT&T Mobility,

I just want to drop a brief note and let you know I’m thinking about you today. I’d like to thank you for doing your level best to cripple the wonderful new iPad 3G I bought less than a month ago with your new data usage plans. I was ok dealing with the idea that my “unlimited” data plan really meant that I had 5 GB of data available each month. But now, thanks to your apparent inability to expand your cellular network to meet consumer demand, you’ve thoughtfully dropped that limit to 2 GB. But hey, I’ll save $5 a month for getting 3/5 less capacity… unless of course I go over my 2 GB limit, in which case you’ll hit me with another $25 charge, in which case I’ll be paying an additional $20 for 1/5 less capacity. I’m not a fancy big city math major, but it seems to me that what you’re doing is charging almost twice the price, providing only 4/5 the service, and calling it a victory for cellular data users. You’re logical gymnastics are truly the stuff of legend. Very impressive.

Now the reality is that most months I won’t come close to using 5 GB of cellular data since I’m usually running over a wifi network, but during those times when I’m away from a hotspot, it was nice knowing that 3G could fill the gap and I would happily pay my $30 a month for having that capacity in my hip pocket when I needed it. All you’ve done with your new tiered pricing plan is reinforce the image of AT&T mobility as a somewhat fecklessly run operation whose network teeters on the brink of failure under its regular daily load. When you announced the $30 a month unlimited plan for iPad, I really had hoped that you’d finally gotten your act together. Apparently, not so much.

So, yeah, it’s good to know that the $100+ a month I’ve been paying you for more years than I care to remember has been going to do good works like building up network infrastructure and increasing bandwidth availability. You guys are really, really bad at this cellular stuff. The future of wireless is always going to be more data, not less. Trying to artificially hold down demand in the short term by raising rates may work in the short term, but your not going to change the nature of consumption. Each new evolution in technology is going to be more reliant on data, not less, and every month that passes is going to leave your network less able to meet demand.

Today you’re the only game in town, but those days are numbered. You’re on the wrong side of the argument and your customers know it.

Sincerely yours,

Jeff

Yearly…

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This is usually the post where I’d admit spending the whole day thinking about Alexander and the other 30-somethings who moved the world. This year, I’ve made the realization that I just don’t have that kind of ambition any more. The most stressful thing I really want to deal with is making plans for my next trip and the only followers I’m interested in are Sir Winston and Lady Margaret. Somewhere along the line, I’ve lost the desire to take over the world and mostly now want it to just go bugger itself. I’m mostly ok with that. It only took me 32 years to figure that part out. The next 32 should be a cakewalk.