Author Archives: jdtharp

Garden spots…

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The navy is at home in places like San Diego and Pensacola. The army seems to have run to the other extreme and peopled the most inhospitable parts of the country. How else do you explain Fort Leavenworth, Kansas and Fort Polk, Louisiana? Of course those exotic locales are for the “big” Army. My little part of the great green machine has managed to set up shop in pretty much every major urban center in the country; LA, New York, Chicago, San Fran, Honolulu. How then do I manage to draw the trips to places like St. Louis? The only redeeming quality seems to be that I can drive there in less than five hours. Then again, perhaps coming from Memphis, I should consider it an even trade for the week. Regardless, I’ll be on the road for a few days and that generally makes for more interesting blogging. As soon as the foolishness begins, you’ll see it here first (well, second probably since Facebook is easier to update from the driver’s seat… or possibly even third in the event I get really froggy and start updating Twitter).

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Sitting…

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So the Line X manager was nice enough to drive me over to the Barns and Nobel instead of knocking around his shop for the three hours he said it would take. The good news is that there’s way more interesting things to look at here. The down side is that after 11:00, I have no direct way to hassle him about when it’s going to be finished. That’s only a problem in that after sitting around a bookstore and drinking coffee for an hour and a half, I’m pretty much finished with the part of the day where I want to sit quietly. I think I’m possibly more unnerved because I’m effectively marooned out here in the land of the all-day strip mall without even the most basic transportation. The mall is close by, but the walk across the million and a half acres of open parking lot makes me hesitant to leave the well air conditioned table I’ve managed to take over.

On the other hand it occurs to me that at some point in the not too distant past, there was a world without wifi… When there was no nation-wide cellular network… And when having this kind of wait would have meant truly just sitting quietly and waiting. No multitasking. Barely even single-tasking unless you count things like breathing and keeping your heart beating as “tasks.”

Since I’ve gone more and more digital, the book store itself is something of a strange land. Nothing seems to be where it was the last time I was here. Of course that was probably over a year ago. Fortunately, the coffee is still good and I’ll probably manage not to completely lose my mind while I’m here… But I’m really, really ready to get back among the ranks of the mobile this morning.

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Finding the right accessories…

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With the new truck tucked safely in the garage, it’s time to think about accessories. That’s probably a hold over from being a Wrangler owner, where everything was an accessory. I’ve got two appointments scheduled Friday. The Line-X bed liner gets sprayed in the morning and the tint shop is doing the windows in the afternoon. That goes a long way towards getting me where I want to be. Next step is finding a hard tonneau cover and step rails, but that’s going to have to wait for a week or two given a pesky trip for work that has cropped up in the middle of my accessorizing. Very inconvenient, that, though it does give me a chance to do a bit more research before making any decisions. I had a flip cover on the old truck which was great, but wasn’t quite as weatherproof as I’d like. Of course the drawback to the full hard cover is that it basically eliminates the ability to haul anything of size. Then again, how likely am I to manhandle a sofa into the back of the truck anyway? Yeah. Not so much.

If anyone out there has recommendations on brands or personal experiences on the hard covers, I’d be more than happy to hear them. Once I get these few things squared away, I should be set… until I catch a wild hare and feel compelled to start playing with the onboard electronics, of course.

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Let’s make a deal…

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I use to have a blog over at Blogger that went by the working title “Falling into it.” That’s mostly because at odd moments, I seem to trip over good situations. This weekend is a case in point. To say the least, I wasn’t planning on getting a new truck. In fact, I was extremely happy with the one I had. Usually getting a call from a car salesman on a Saturday isn’t something I’d look forward to. The only reason I picked up at all was that I was driving and had the bluetooth in my ear and didn’t feel like fishing for my phone to screen the call. I’m sure it’s an old line in the car business, but he was adamant that they had someone looking for my “exact model truck”and would cut me a good deal on anything they had on the lot if I was interested in trading.

I wasn’t interested in trading, of course, but since I was driving past the dealership anyway, I thought it wouldn’t do any harm to slip in and let them buy me a cup of coffee. My “old” truck was a 2008 and was getting along towards 50,000 miles (a couple of trips to Maryland every year will rack ’em up fast). No way were they going to be interested when they saw the mileage, so I should be on my way in a couple of minutes. I handed off my keys to the appraiser and hopped on the golf cart for a window tour of the lot, commenting on other trucks here and their and throwing out a laundry list of things I wanted: full sized crew cab, power everything, sunroof, 4×4, towing package, cloth seats, and nothing in white, tan, or silver. Pulling through the lot he passed truck after truck that got disqualified for one or more reasons (4×4’s in the south are surprisingly hard to come by). As we pulled back to the front, I was sure that we were all but through. Until, he mentioned that there was one more Tundra in the showroom that he thought I would like… The infamous one more thing. Sure, I though, he wants to get me inside to make it psychologically harder to leave. OK, I’m game. Let’s go have a look.

So there it was sitting in the middle of the showroom floor, with the exact specs that I had told him it would take for me to even start talking about a deal. I still had my safety net, though, as I knew the appraiser was never going to come back with an offer high enough to pay off my loan on the old truck. Well, the short version is that he came back with an appraisal that was well in excess of what I had been expecting and more than enough to pay off Bank of America. Still, I knew there wasn’t a chance of the finance people coming up with a number that I was going to be willing to work with, so it wasn’t even close to a done deal. In my own mind, I was no closer to buying a new truck than I was when I walked in the door.

Their first deal wasn’t bad enough to be insulting, but was way off in terms of where the numbers needed to be to convince me it was worth while. It’s a car dealership, there’s always haggling and that’s half the fun. Back he scurried to the sales manager’s desk, coming back 10 minutes later with an offer that was a little better, but still not sweet. One more time, I say, tell your guy that this one needs to be his best and final offer since we’re not going to do this all afternoon. Back to the sales desk, about 20 minutes this time, and he comes back and hands me a sheet of paper. And that was the offer I couldn’t refuse – 0% financing, and a monthly note that was about $2 more than I was paying already.

So to get this straight, I’ll give you my two year old truck, with 50,000 miles on it and in exchange you’re going to give me a brand new truck, 2 years of free scheduled maintenance, not increase my payment, decrease the length of my loan amortization, and let me use Toyota’s money at 0% to make it happen? Yeah?

Sold.

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Respect…

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I may have covered this ground before, but after 230+ posts over the last few years it’s getting a little more difficult to keep track of what’s been in and what’s been out. Even so, it’s something I’ve been considering quite alot lately. Maybe it’s something about the heat being out of hand down here in the summer (and most of the spring and fall), but I’ve come to have a grudging respect for all of you who who manage to work a full day and then spend the evening rushing hither and yon doing any of a million different things. I can’t fathom how you keep up with it. When I hit eject at 3:00, all I’m really interested in is getting home as expeditiously as possible… and once I get to the house, you’ll need an act of Congress or a court order to get me out of the house. But you guys, you’re out there shopping, catching a late dinner, ferrying the kids all over town, or a combination of those things and more. Seriously. Any secrets on how you do that?

By the time I get home, feed the pups, make a little dinner for myself, and do the usual stuff you need to do to keep a house up and running – cleaning, paying bills, fixing whatever odd or end happened to break this week, write up a blog post, answer a few emails, and chase the dogs around the back yard – it’s suddenly after 9:00 and I’m headed to bed so I can do it all again the next day. Once the alarm rings at 4:30, it’s off to the races. I guess I’m just having a real problem fathoming how anyone carves out time to do anything else.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no interest in being a social butterfly – Thirsty Thursdays are a long way in the past – but I’m legitimately curious about how people manage to make it all come together. I mean is there a book out there that I missed? Maybe I’m a little worried that I am missing something and that there’s some way to squeeze a little more productivity out of the day. Then again, maybe it’s just perspective and I’m getting as much done as I should reasonably expect. It doesn’t feel that way though.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go do a sink full of dishes.

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Criminal class…

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Dear Criminals,

I get that times are a little tough lately and that maybe you’re having a hard time keeping food on the table, or filling the tank so you can get to your regular job, or for whatever other nobel reason you have felt compelled to turn to the life on an outlaw. I know that Memphis is usually a criminal’s playground, but in the future we’re really going to have to insist that you keep that stuff inside the loop. The nice suburbanites out east don’t like it when you start robbing their banks. It makes us all nervous and jerky and in a state that has so many soccer moms with gun permits, nervous and jerky is not a good thing.

While we’re on the topic of banks, you might want to reconsider your mark. Sure, Willie Sutton robbed banks “because that’s where the money is,” but lets face it, this isn’t 1933 and most money is electronic now. Basically, by robbing a bank all you’ve done is make sure that instead of just Memphis police looking for you, the local FBI office now has a flag raised on you too. Maybe you’re not public enemy number one, but when it comes to criminal enterprise, the fewer people looking for you the better, don’t you think? You’d have been far better off knocking over a couple of Kwik-E-Marts and a liquor store. I’m just sayin’.

In selecting a life of crime, I understand that your long range planning skills probably leave something to be desired, but in the future I hope you will consider that most banks actually have working alarm systems and cameras and that instead of having a lonely retail clerk giving them a description of your unmasked face, the police and FBI now have you on film from several angels and a remarkably detailed description of the late model Pontiac you used as your getaway car.

In closing, I hope you’ll remember in the future that you suck at crime, probably at life too… But at accessorizing, you’re a champ. The apron really makes a statement.

Sincerely,

Jeff

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If you can keep it…

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One of the quotes often ascribed to Ben Franklin tells of him responding to a question asked about what type of government there would be for the United States. Franklin responds that it’s a democracy, if we can keep it. This weekend we rightly celebrate our country’s birth announcement. But in doing this, so many forget the terrible price that was paid “to keep it” well beyond the surrender at Yorktown and the Treaty of Paris.

On July 3, 1863 Confederate forces inside the besieged city of Vicksburg, Mississippi sued for peace and laid down their arms. Earlier in the afternoon, on a field in Pennsylvania, the flower of Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia shattered themselves against the Union center at Gettysburg; all but guaranteeing the eventual southern defeat. These twin victories, announced to the world on July 4th, 1863, ensured that the visionary experiment in democracy laid down in 1776 would endure even the bloody nightmare of civil war.

We owe much to the founders who gave us our republic, but so too do we owe a debt of gratitude to the men of 1863, who fought and died to preserve what their grandfathers and great grandfathers and built. As it was in 1776 and in 1863, so it is now – This Union, this republic, must be preserved against any, domestic or foreign, who rise against it.

Good days have a price…

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If you’re a wanna be writer whose best blogs come out of days that piss you off the most, the price of ending the day on a good note is that it severely restricts the available pool of material. Sure, the blood pressure is a few points lower, but I’m paying good money for meds to keep that in check so I don’t really need the help. Besides, I need the material, because let’s face it, sunshine and lollipops generally don’t equal great reading.

The good news, in this case, is that there are way more bad days than there use to be so good content should be in ready supply. Until the next big batch of stupid comes along, I’ll find something to keep writing about… But it’s not going to be sunshine and lollipops, I can guaran-damn-tee it.

Three day…

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I throw alot of heat at the job around here, but I want to take this opportunity to mention one of the things that definitely doesn’t suck. In the world of the federal civilian, there are few perks more appreciated than the steady flow of paid holidays that loosely mark the coming and going of the seasons. These 10 days constitute the cornerstone of the sought after government employee benefits package. Coupled with the judicious application of accumulated annual leave, these days can be parlayed into a goodly stream of four and five day weekends and still leave two weeks left over to cover the end of December festivities and maybe even a week somewhere warm and tropical.

These extended weekends are even a perk for those who opt to stick around the office in that there is almost no one else around. It’s a great opportunity to actually play catch up on projects that have been lying untended in the corner of the cubicle, because there are almost no interruptions. I’m not extending the 4th of July holiday myself this year, so I’ll be in the office right up till the bitter end on Friday (if you consider 3PM the bitter end). After that, it’s off to enjoy the three day weekend… Which mostly means trying to sleep in until at least 7AM and then doing yard work until it gets too hot to see straight. Not exactly an epic vacation, but for now I’m not looking any gift horses in the mouth.

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Once upon a time…

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Once upon a time, there was a bakery. The bakery was owned by a rich and powerful man who only visited the shop a few days each month. In his absence the shop was run by an expert baker who had many employees working under him. These employees, sales clerks, delivery drivers, pastry chefs, dish washers, and far away regional sales managers were all specialized in their respective work areas and brought unique skill sets to their jobs. Though not everyone loved it, the bakery had kept its doors open and survived past the two year mark when many start-up businesses fold. It had a small, but loyal following and was working hard to make incremental improvements to how things were done.

One day, the owner called the baker and told him that the next day there would be a truck of meat arriving and that they would be running the butcher shop next door to the bakery from now on too. “But sir,” says the baker, “we don’t have the equipment or the skills to operate a butcher shop. Perhaps,” he adds, “we should hire a butcher to run this new shop.” But the owner, clearly knowing best, told the baker, “don’t worry, just go in there and hack away at things until you figure it out. It’s not that hard to cut meat and besides, we’re not really worried about quality.” Shaking is head, the baker opens the shop the next morning. His staff does their best, but none of them have been trained at meat cutting and what could have become fine steaks were chopped beyond redemption and because the entire staff was consumed with opening the butcher shop, none of the bread, or pies, or doughnuts, were baked that day. As the staff focused on learning the skills of a butcher, their skills as bakers, and clerks, and delivery drivers slowly deteriorated and by the time they were even marginal butchers, their bakery had lost its customers to competing businesses that focused on their “bread and butter.”

The moral of our story is that in a world of specialists, it’s important, even critical, to use people where there skills and training are maximized. Where new or different skills are needed, those skill sets need to be developed through training or brought in from the outside. When you ask bakers to be butchers, don’t be surprised when things don’t work out as well as you’d hoped.

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