It’s Memphis… in March. There is absolutely no reason there needs to be snow here and yet, it’s out there covering everything. Actually, if I were being more specific, it’s slowly turning everything into a sheet of ice. Folks here are good at doing things like making barbecue, but when it comes to having a clue what to do about a couple of inches of snow, they should leave that to the professionals in the northern tier. I always mocked Washingtonians for their raging incompetence in dealing with this stuff… Now that I’ve seen how the south reacts, I’ll never say another bad word about them. These people couldn’t plow their way out of a parking lot, let alone keep the major highways clear. I’ve got a laundry list of things I wanted to do today, but I just don’t think I have it in me to go out and deal with “Memphis on Ice.”
Category Archives: Memphis
Things you learn from weather.com…
Sometimes I question myself for picking up and moving down here. Of course it would be nice to be closer to everyone and everything… and I’m still convinced that DC is the center of the universe… but then sometimes I surf by weather.com and realize that it’s 50 degrees warmer here than it is back there. At times like that being here seem like a much better idea.
The South is a different world, but it does have a few perks. Of course when it’s 110 in August, my calculus will probably be a little different.
Stupid dichotomy…
There are few things better in life than a full tank of gas, an open road, and new songs on the iPod. Those things are less good when your road trip takes you from Memphis to Mobile, Alabama. My drive today could have been a case study in rural poverty. Almost 400 miles of nothing dotted with trailers, closed storefronts, and the battle flag of the Army of Northern Virginia fluttering over it all. Having grown up “down the crick,” I thought I knew something about the indigenous redneck subculture of the Eastern United States.
Clearly, I was wrong on that score. Sure, I know intellectually that there are examples of crushing poverty easily within a few miles drive of where I grew up, but I really hadn’t ever given much thought to places like that still existing… but there they are. Right there on the roadside somewhere, almost anywhere, between Memphis and Mobile. Once you manage to overlook the scenery, or the distinct lack of scenery, it was a hell of a drive. I think on my way back to Memphis, I’ll plot an all-interstate course to avoid the unpleasantness on my way back to suburban bliss.
Pickets…
If a man’s home is his castle, mine is now defended by a 6’2’’ stockade fence. I was just in the back yard and not only could I not see the dipshit neighbor’s overgrown yard, but their poor dumb Rottweilers didn’t know I was out there; which means they didn’t spend the half an hour barking at me.
It was peace, quiet, and a significantly decreased level of annoyance. I know of at least a few trees that didn’t die in vain.
The waiting was the hardest part…
It’s said that patience is a virtue. It’s never been one of my particular favorites, but sometimes it pays off. I got home from work this afternoon to find that one of my neighbors has finally started putting up a privacy fence… meaning that I can put in the two end sections (saving beaucoup dollars over having to install the whole thing myself) and be relieved of the annoyance that is the back yard of my neighbor to the west. My new favorite neighbor’s contractor is supposed to drop off an estimate for me tomorrow. Next time I see her walking the dog in the morning, I’m gonna kiss that woman… Tongue, no tongue, totally her choice.
On my side of the fence…
It’s taken thrice weekly watering, half a dozen applications of fertilizer since early March, weekly trimmings from the lawn service, and going nearly bankrupt to pay for water bills, but my lawn is finally greener than the neighbors. That’s not to say it’s green, however. The 13 inch rain deficit in Memphis has helped assure that it probably won’t reach that milestone any time soon. But it is a better shade of dark yellow than the next guy, so I’m formally declaring victory.
4740…
That’s the number of air miles I will have earned for the month of May when this week’s road stand wraps up. True, taken as a single trip, that distance would be something approximating the trip from here to London – only a 7 ½ hour hop. My 4740 will all be accrued on the trip between Memphis International and Reagan. There’s a certain wear and tear of three weeks of back and forth, of packing, doing laundry, and repacking. I’m a little frayed at the edges, but that’s nothing that won’t be solved by spending a long weekend firmly planted on the ground.
Here’s hoping I won’t see 6320.
High speed…
Memphis is a wonderful town and has been a place of many firsts for me. Friday night added another to that list… I got to see my first ever high speed chase. Having watched much of the trainwreck unfold in my rear-view mirror, I was pleased to be able to watch the show to its logical conclusion… The suspect jumped a curb, scattered a group of pedestrians/potential drug, dealers and did a header into a telephone pole… and then jumped out of the car and immediately fell over.
This won’t surprise anyone, but I cackled like a hyena the rest of the way home. I love it when bad things happen to stupid people.
Ugly Mug…
One of the side benefits of having an extensive road schedule is being able to sample great locally produced coffees. Several producers from Kona still top my “best of” list, but the downside is that a pound of most pure-Kona coffees will set you back $20-30. As much as I love coffee, even I’m too cheap to brew that on a daily basis.
Here in Memphis, I have found a local company, that I highly recommend. At the moment, I am enjoying the just-brewed goodness of their Southern Pecan offering. If you’re looking for a cup of coffee that is highly drinkable, but won’t break the bank, check out the Ugly Mug Coffee Co.
If you’re a fan of good coffee, order a bag. I think you’ll be pleased.
Licensed and Registered…
After the two hour ordeal that was my second trip to the local driver’s license issue facility, I’m now all nice and official like and in compliance with all applicable state and local laws. God willing, I should now be able to have the bare minimum contact with these lovely government officials for three years… That should be sufficient to recover from the indignity of it all.
I have a dear friend who is fond of pointing out that in a democracy, the people are sovereign. If what I have seen over the last two days is a true cross section of the people, the Republic is doomed. May God have mercy on our souls.
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