Category Archives: work

Analog hell…

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If I had to take a guess, I’d say that they average people who work in the same gilded cage that I do have an average age of somewhere north of 50. That puts the majority of them squarely in the analog world… You know, the one where people wear watches, know how to use typewriters, and complain about people to send text messages. The little corner of this world that where I pretend to have influence has an average age hovering somewhere around 33 or 34 years and… and this is where worlds inevitably collide – the digital versus the analog.

I bring this up because we’re in the midst of ordering a number of things that only make sense if you think in analog… Like wall clocks with our organizational logo on them. That’s nice enough and all, but in looking around just inside the four walls of my cube, I count at least five things that tell me the time that has been synchronized with the network to be reasonably close to the “official” U.S. time as reported from National Institute of Standards and Technology. I’m not exactly sure why we need something that’s going to give a less accurate, battery-powered approximation of the time hanging across the room on the wall, but we’re going to have ‘em, by God. It’s not a big deal, just a nod to doing things the old fashioned way for a less than apparent reason.

That pretty much sets the tone for the next “must have” item in the order… ergonomic, screen printed, mouse pads for everyone! The logic here, of course, is that a branded mouse pad is just the kind of item that will help build unit cohesion and boost morale. Really? A mouse pad? That’ll be a great way to make sure out trackballs don’t… oh, wait… No one has trackballs any more. We have optical mice that bounce a friggin’ laser off your desk… or your leg… or the wall… or your dog’s back in a pinch. Unless your desk is made out of lexan or you have one of those really cool sheet glass covers on your faux-hardwood credenza, it’s pretty much something that’ll be going in a drawer and never seeing the light of day again.

Please, for the love of God, the saints, and all things good and holy, people… stop thinking in analog. The digital camera isn’t going to steal your soul and your laptop, even your crust old Dell 620s, can be used for more than writing email and Word documents. And another thing, stop asking for tethering on your Blackberries and aircards for your laptops. It’s the same interwebs your tying into. We’re not talking about Mission-to-Mars technology here, folks… all I’m asking is that you figure out how to use basic office equipment. Sigh.

Not all bad…

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It’s obvious by now that I do a fair amount of complaining here and that alot of that complaining is about my job in one way or another. Maybe it’s not the most productive use of time, but It’s a good way from keeping me from going ’round the bend and actually giving voice to these thoughts in the office. Who knows, maybe in a virtual world the difference between what I say here and what I say there doesn’t matter all that much. In fairness I have to admit, though, that despite the complaints, the job does have it’s perks. The fact that federal holidays are all actual holidays is a definite plus. The fact that between annual leave and several varieties of comp time, I’ve got what some would consider a disturbing amount of time off I need to schedule between now and the first week of January is another one. It means that sometimes on a Thursday afternoon before a three-day weekend, I can decide that a four-day weekend would be better. Sure, you’re technically supposed to schedule leave two weeks in advance, but since Uncle operates with a skeleton crew on such Fridays, as long as at least one person is sticking around to answer the phone, most spur of the moment requests are approved as a matter of course.

So now I’m off to start my newly extended weekend… by crawling into bed at 9:30 just like it was any other Thursday. Just call me Mr. Excitement.

Get back…

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Between vacation and a few days on the road for work, I’ve been gone for almost two weeks. Time was that I would eat that kind of road stand for breakfast and ask for more, but the truth is that I find it all rather wearing these days. It seems that at the house with the dogs is the only place I really want to be for any extended time. Being a hermit by nature, that’s not really surprising, but it’s something that’s become more pronounced over the last few years. I wonder if it has something to do with picking up a few more birthdays or if seeking “home” is something we’re just hardwired to do. No real theories on it, just an observation made from one more hotel room on one more Thursday night on the road. Hopefully I’ll be able to clear out of here early enough to pick up the dogs tomorrow evening and then settle in for the weekend. Here’s hoping.

One day more…

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Trying to find the motivation to muddle through one more work day before taking the better part of two weeks off… Just about anyone can guess how successful I’ve been at that so far. Sure there’s plenty of things I could be doing, but I’m just not seeing the sense in starting anything new at this point. Anything that’s a priority tomorrow won’t even be on the radar in two weeks. Not saying that’s good or bad, just that it’s the way things are. Right or wrong, the only thing I’m interested in tomorrow is hitting cruise control early on and ducking out as quickly as possible. My body is in West Tennessee, but my mind is already soaking up the Cruzan and the tropical sun.

It’s just policy…

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Policy
–noun, plural -cies.
A definite course of action adopted for the sake of expediency, facility, etc.: We have a new company policy.

Most of my professional life, I’ve been a policy guy in some shape, form, or fashion whether it’s writing, interpreting, or ignoring said policies. As a policy guy, it’s part of my mission in life to point out the general foibles of those who set policy… Even (and perhaps especially) when those policies are promulgated by those with whom I share bonds of affinity, friendship, and respect. Though it’s sometimes harder to poke the people you like with a stick, that mostly just means that it’s really worth doing.

As a matter of policy, my employer has decided that supervisory personnel are not allowed to work at locations other than at their assigned duty location (i.e. from home, a telework center, etc). Notwithstanding the fact that somewhere north of 60% of all personnel work somewhere other than the “corporate headquarters” and most of us supervise people who are geographically dispersed, the general belief is that you can’t manage what you can’t see. I have philosophical differences with this position, but there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with such a policy per se.

The challenge comes when, for unforeseeable reasons, the message goes forth that all personnel, including supervisors, will telework until such time as they are directed to report to the office. Seems all well and good from the outside, but the malcontent in me has a compulsion to poke at it just a bit further. The message that was really sent here is that “we know you’re capable of doing your job from a remote location and that’s what you’re going to do when it’s convenient for us… But don’t ask to do it when it’s convenient for you.”

I don’t have any moral qualms with hypocrisy and I certainly don’t have issues with working from home. I’m better able to focus on writing and reading when I’m not interrupted by “walkups” or people yelling across the room a couple of times an hour… And as we all know from our previous reading, a productive Jeff tends to be a happy Jeff. Still, it would be nice to do it occasionally when it helped me meet some of my own requirements rather than being marks on a tally sheet showing how quickly we got everyone “back to work.”

I’m just sayin’.

Fails, Epic and Otherwise…

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This weekend has mostly been about failures. Originally I had planned a simple shot over the bow at Apple and AT&T for their seeming inability to figure out how to enable 3G connectivity for customers whose primary billing address is a post office box. While not catastrophic in scope, it just seems like the address I use for… ummm… everything else, including paying my AT&T Mobility bill every month, should be acceptable for other billing purposes for the same company. After 48 hours, a few convolutions, and eventually finding a workaround buried in an iPad forum, the issue was resolved without needing to change my billing address. If anyone else is having the same issue, ask me how it worked out and I’ll be happy to pass along the info. It mostly involves telling AT&T a little white lie. No one has any problems with that, right?

The next fail, is more the epic of the weekend. It involved a levee “failure” that ended up flooding the naval base where I work. I use failure in quotations because that’s a cop-out term that means you don’t know what happened to it (i.e. breach, overtop, etc). However, I digress. The result was a reported 4-5 feet of water inside the wire that effectively swamped the entire base and conflicting reports of how much, if any, water actually made it inside the building. Not to make light of the situation, of course, but I do wonder if anyone else has been struck by the irony of a landlocked naval base taking on enough water to basically put it out of commission. I’ve also noticed, without the irony, that the single best source of information about the situation there has been the base’s Facebook page, that has had regular official updates as well as innumerable unofficial observations contributed over the last day and a half, where other official and unofficial sources of information have been almost silent on the situation. I’m suddenly seeing more value added to Facebook than as a wonderfully engineered time waster and advertising venue. That it’s doing a better job of keeping the communication flowing says something less than good about our in-house infrastructure.

And finally, Winston came home from the kennel with a “hot spot” on his neck. Think weeping open sore (and accompanying nasty stench) and you’ll sort of get it. He’s on prescription antibiotics and a cortisone spray, but his neck looks especially nasty. Thankfully he doesn’t seem to be scratching it, so hopefully the meds will do their thing and he’ll be healed up in due course. Just one more of the many joys of pet ownership I suppose.

Back at it…

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You may have noticed the distinct lack of anything going on here for the last week or so. That’s mainly because every waking minutes has been dedicated to making sure 150 odd people managed to get through a conference in Fort Worth with as little stupid happening as possible. It was mostly a success, but I do have a laundry list of things I would do differently if there is ever (God forbid) a next time. Now it’s a matter of tying up the loose ends, reviewing the end-of-event surveys, and making sure everyone is paid on time for their travel expenses. I’m glad the event is over, but will be even happier when the last details are safely put to bed.

While closing out the details is sometimes as bad as the event itself, my annoyance is somewhat moderated because the conference was the last major piece of work standing between me and five days of sitting on the beach. That definitely makes the pesky details seem a little easier to handle. Seven working days left and my biggest goal from here on out is to avoid all major problems and defer as much as possible until later in the month. I assure you, that sounds easier than it will prove to be in practice… but that’s certainly not going to stop me from trying. I can’t quite put things on autopilot, but I’m going to get as close as possible to it. In the meantime, it’s a serious rededication to relaxing at the house, playing with the pups, and catching up on a week’s worth of DVR’ed television.

Event planner…

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Work in the bureaucracy long enough and you’re bound to pick up tips and tricks that will help you navigate out there in the deep waters. If I can impart any small bit of advice at the moment is it this: If anyone ever talks about needing you as part of a team planning a conference, kick them in the junk. Repeatedly. And then run away. No good can come from this project. It is evil and accursed; very truly an unclean thing.

The schedule will never be final, speakers will drop out at the last minute, senior leaders will decide to change their entire theme two days before the thing starts, and others will just ignore your request to get their material in advance. You, of course, will get the blame for those things that go horribly wrong, while others will get the credit for what goes right. It’s the definition of a no-win situation where you will have responsibility for everything, but authority over nothing. Your default response to everything in life will be to sigh heavily and rub the bridge of your nose in a futile effort to make the headache go away.

If you do ever have the misfortune of finding yourself in this position, just get use to the fact that everything will go wrong. It’s like Murphy’s Law on steroids with a side order of PCP. And your reward for a job well done? You get an invitation back to do it all over again for the next conference.

*Sigh* Has anyone seen my ibuprofen? Or my Pepto? Or my coffee?

Climate…

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Note: Before you continue, please take a moment and review my “Disclaimer” page. Posts like this one are the reason the disclaimer has its own page.

Every organization, regardless of size, has a “climate.” Defined another way, climate is the general attitude that pervades the workplace. We’ve all worked for organizations that were working well at one point or another – where good things just seemed to happen. The opposite is also true: It’s the reverse-Midas effect… where everything you touch turns to shit. That’s a long way of saying that there are certain indicators of general organizational health… and that people are usually well-served by paying attention to those indicators.

Want to know how well your organization is really operating? Look to issues like the level of trust within the organization (i.e. can you rely on the guy sitting next to you to deliver in the clutch), how well the organization communicates vertically and horizontally, the level of job satisfaction of your personnel, and if you are able to retain good people once you have them. If you find you’re having problems in more than one of these areas, you guessed it… Your climate sucks.

If you want to actually put your house in order, the way to do that isn’t in simply pushing harder and expecting more… it’s in addressing the root cause of why these issues are cropping up in the first place. Sometimes it’s a structural problem that can be addressed with a shuffle of the org chart, other times it may be a manpower problem (and that doesn’t always mean needing more people). Sometimes it means finding the right people, losing the wrong ones, or some combination of the two. Other times it may mean giving your best performers the room they need to operate effectively. And as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes it means some people need to be reigned in more effectively. The solution can’t be to just ignore the issues or you’re going to break your people and break the organization.

I’ll not claim to be a great leader, as I tend to think most of what’s written about leadership is pure bunk. And while it will probably never be my strong point, I know enough about leadership and institutional dynamics to know when it isn’t being done right. All you have to do is watch how people act and listen to what they say when they think no one is listening. If you’re a leader, it will be eye opening… and if you’re a bad one, well, I guess it won’t make all that much difference anyway.

Priorities…

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A lot of life is about setting priorities. What things are important enough for your attention and which simply need to fall in the “nice to do, but never gonna happen” category. In a perfect world, these priorities would be balanced and when one was finished, one would begin. In reality those priorities almost always conflict with one another and compete for status as the first among equals.

Priorities have been my issue lately, or more specifically, having (or being told to have) to many of them has been my issue. From the purely intellectual point of view, it’s easy to understand that some things are more important than others. And sometimes many important things happen at once. Frederick the Great is believed to have said, “He who defends everything, defends nothing.” Put another way, when everything is your #1 priority, nothing is ever treated like #1.

I’ve got broad enough shoulders to handle anything that gets thrown at me. I can shift gears on the fly and very rarely get intimidated by issues or people, no matter how ponderous they may be. I can do a great many things with a high degree of skill and certainty that they’re going to get done right. The only thing I can’t do is take care of them all at once.  Having ten major projects open and (theoretically) running at a time is not a recipe for success when you assign them to .73% of the staff – yes that is ¾ of one percent. It is, however, a recipe for getting alot of long-term projects completely derailed for the sake of defusing a few short-term crises.

With that said, effective immediately, I’m requesting a change in my official designation to:

Chief of PowerPoint Operations, Questionable Metrics, Random Tasks, and Odd Jobs; Defender of the Sacred Website; Keeper of the Institutional History; Builder of the Mighty Quadcharts; High Executor of Monthly Reports; and Unquestioned Lord of Other Duties as Assigned.

Yes, I think that will do nicely… Now to order new business cards.