Some days are good, some are bad, but I’ve found that most of them tend to fall somewhere in the middle. On the good days it’s easy to forget that the bad ones are out there and to not even think of the mediocre ones. Today was one of the good days. Projects are moving along, there was no dust-up at the last minute, no insane requirements dispatched by email at the last possible minute. It wasn’t quite as easy to savor as the good ones have been in the past, because I know there’s a bad one out there waiting for me… and I know it’s more likely than not that I’m going to take a beating. For now, I’ll enjoy the good days when I can get them, but I’ll be keeping an eye on the horizon.

One of the great aspects of my job is it has allowed me to see places and things I would have never seen otherwise. The down side of that, of course, is that you sometimes have very little control over where you go or when you go there. I had already planned on being back on the greater DC/Maryland area for the better part of a week for Christmas. Now, thanks to Uncle Sam, I’ll be spending next week in Northern Virginia as well. It’s not that I have any problem with being there, but it would just be nice if I weren’t going to be making two 1800 mile round-trips in the next three weeks.

The good news is that I’ve got a posh hotel in Old Town within a block-and-a-half radius of two of my favorite Irish pubs. I guess life could be worse. If anyone’s looking for me, there’s a fair chance you’ll find me at Pat Troy’s! I might even manage to get some work done while I’m in town.

Now that I’ve had a few days off, I’m really of two minds when it comes to getting back to work tomorrow. The giant slacker part of me doesn’t have any interest in any of it and wants to put it off as long as possible. The more career minded part of me remembers that I’ve got projects running that need attention and that I’m still scheduled to be off two weeks in December and if I don’t want them to crap out then, I need to get on the stick now and get them squared away. While the practical part of my brain is going to make sure I get up at 4:30 tomorrow, the slacker part isn’t going to like it at all.

I can see now that it’s going to take a feat of strength to keep my focus during the next couple of weeks. I can’t point to exactly what combination of forces have conspired to steal my give-a-shit, but they got away clean. Late fall and winter have never been my favorite time of year and this seasonal lack of motivation is nothing new. This year, though, it came on strong and faster than usual. I’ve had the better part of a week off and I don’t feel any more rested than I did the week before. At this rate, it’s going to be a long road to spring. So tomorrow, I’m going to get back at it. If I’m going to be tired, it might as well be from doing something semi-productive.

I know I should be putting the whole sordid experience behind me now, but I just can’t quite seem to let the last four weeks go that easily. I’ve given up being disturbed by the structure of the class itself and its mind-numbingly repetitive combination of research and briefings. Currently, my greatest concern is that looking back at it in retrospect there were a disturbing number of what I can only assume are reasonably intelligent people who didn’t seem to be at all troubled by the issues that were driving me all but over the edge. I suppose there’s always the possibility that they’re right and I’m wrong, but I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve never thought of myself as a free thinker or a radical, but in the context of people who work for the Army, perhaps that’s what I’m becoming by degree. The idea that we’re doing something just because someone with the title coach or colonel says it’s the way makes less sense to me as time goes on. Prove to me that what you’re saying makes sense or that it’s a better way to do business, but my days of blind faith are long gone. I guess as I look back on it, I grow more frustrated that so few “leaders” recognized the waste for what it was and that virtually none were willing to call it out when they saw it.

I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the lesson that I was supposed to take away from the experience, but there it is. The real question, then, is whether I’m willing to keep calling the spades when I see them and dealing with the fallout or whether I’ll give it up and go along to get along.

Today starts week three in the hotel and it’s not so much that I really miss Memphis or anything about it, but I really am starting to miss having all my crap in one place. Even with the volume of clothes, electronics, and sundry other goods I take on the road with me, there doesn’t seem to be a day that I don’t need to go somewhere to pick up something I either forgot or didn’t realize I needed until it wasn’t here. I use to be pretty good at living out of suitcases, but more and more it’s become just another of life’s annoyances. Add that the colossal waste of time that this class has turned out to be and the disturbing array of alleged leaders I’ve been dealing with and it’s remarkable that no one has barred the doors and set the building aflame. Seriously. It would be a welcome change of pace from listening to this bunch flounder about all day.

So, it looks like I’m going to be in a progressively more antagonistic mode for each of the next 12 days. I’m actually a bit curious to find how far I can push some of these people before they finally snap. After skipping out on today’s session, I’m pretty sure I can expect a warm welcome in the morning. A tweak here, a nudge there, and maybe I can get someone to explode. That would be entertaining for a few minutes and it would certainly break up the day. I mean, after all, what’s the point of being part of a team if you can’t deal with conflict, right?