​Clouded judgement…

I almost called in sick today. I didn’t sleep particularly well last night and this morning my face felt like the dentist had practiced his trade with a jackhammer instead of a ​drill. Hot coffee made it worse and I’d have liked nothing more than to kick back in my favorite comfy chair with an ice pack and gone about the important business of feeling better.

What I did instead, was pull up my big boy pants, swallow down a fist full of ibuprofen, and drive in to the office. I did this because I had one minor thing that needed to be done before noon and I didn’t feel like sticking anyone else with it. Instead of coming in and being able to knock this one small item off the list this morning, though, what I found was that none of what had been agreed to on Friday had actually been done. At least one of the people who needed to see it was on vacation. Another couldn’t be bothered to read any of the follow-up email.

So, because I was trying to do the right thing by not setting up one of my coworkers to have to send an email on up the chain, there I sat with my thumb firmly emplaced up my ass unable to get the most basic of things accomplished. The longer I serve this republic, the more convinced I become that no one enters these jobs angry and jaded, but they’re made so by circumstances and conditions well outside of their control.

I almost called in sick today. I should have done it. I allowed the possibility that I’d achieve something productive to cloud my judgement. I very clearly make bad decisions… and for that I am very, very sorry.

In a mood…

I wish I could attribute it to the weather or some other factor, but there’s nothing that I can put my finger on that completely explains my particularly bad mood for the last three days. Bad mood doesn’t really even come close to getting at it. I’m downright angry… hostile even. I’ve been doing my best to hold it in check but there were times today that I wanted to… Well, it’s probably best not to describe those particular ideas. While it probably wouldn’t be considered felonious, it would have definitely been assault. It’s been all I can do to avoid flying off the handle, let alone try to be productive. Then, of course, that annoys me too and the cycle continues. There’s a root cause to this and I know I’ll sus it out in time, but patience is not one of my virtues at the best of times and it becomes even less so when I’m feeling peevish.