The Routine…

Hard experience, training, and too many years working a job that involved thinking about all the boogymen out to get us have left me with a decidedly pessimistic streak. That’s probably why long stretches of good things happening tend to make me edgy – or rather they make me edgy when I’m paying attention and not letting myself be hijacked into some kind of irrational exuberance. It doesn’t happen often these days, but from time to time I still let blind optimism drive the train. Historically, those are the moments when I get an abrupt reminder from the universe that it’s patently ridiculous to expect the future to be much more than an extension of the past.

It’s an angst filled lesson. Every. Single. Time.

I’m always a guy with a plan, even though like most plans, mine rarely survive first contact with the enemy. Fortunately, when The Plan slides off the rails, my system defaults back to The Routine – those things that happen week in, week out, day after day, that keep me focused, keep me busy, and keep me from dwelling too much on issues where I clearly don’t have any influence. So yeah, today is going to be about slipping comfortably, quietly back into The Routine, because pondering limitations of The Plan isn’t getting me anywhere.

Something’s different…

I read a number on blogs of this infernal machine and a common refrain among my fellow drones is something like “my job sucks.” While you’ve often seen me bitching and complaining about whatever happens to be going on, I actually thoroughly enjoy what I do. When I’m bitching the loudest, I’m usually the happiest. It operates on a similar principle to only picking on the people you like. Despite it all, I can’t imagine doing anything else just now.

It’s hard, though to deny that something’s different lately. The phone isn’t ringing as often. The steady flow of e-mail has slowed to a trickle. It’s like the organization is hunkering down, doing underground to ride out the coming storm. I can’t shake the feeling that we’re in the calm now. I hate the waiting. Give me something that I can work against, something I can plan against, something to drive against. I hate the waiting.