Dead space…

I feel about federal holidays like some women seem to feel about shoes; I love them and can never, never get enough. As much as I love President’s Day for being one of the days I can sit back with my feet up and enjoy not doing a damned thing. Nothing in life is free, of course, and that means taking the bad with the good. In this case, the bad is that President’s Day is the last holiday between now and the end of May. Call me crazy but the months just seem to go better when you have a impending long weekend to look forward to every few weeks. Having one 90-odd days off into the future doesn’t have the same motivational effect. No one has ever accused me of being a big fan of delayed gratification.

Sure, be happy you have a job, not everyone even gets federal holidays, blah, blah, blah. All of those things may be true, but the only thing I see stretching out in front of me between here and May 27th is dead space. Well, dead space and as-yet-unscheduled days of annual leave, but mostly dead space. And please, don’t get me started on how it’s possible that it’s the middle of February already. I’m pretty sure time has been set to march past at the double quick. First world problems, to be sure, but since I live in the first world, I just think of them as the regular kind of problems.

Stall speed…

The thing you have to keep in mind about writing is that it’s way more art than science. Sure, there’s a set of basic rules about where the comma goes, what gets to be capitalized, and something about predicates and adverbs that I really never caught on to when I was in school. Since the rules are sort of flexible and there’s no actual penalty for ignoring them, I find it easier just to go with what looks right than what may be technically accurate. Encyclopedias are often technically accurate, but when’s the last time you saw someone reading Volume K for fun and relaxation? That’s not my point, though.

As much as I’d hoped to be able to get my work in progress to the point where it could spend some time with an editor this spring, that possibility is looking less and less likely as more and more days go by without actually making any progress. I seem to have reached stall speed and stayed there since a week or two before Christmas. It takes some serious self discipline to plug away at something like a book day after day, especially when you’re in the middle part of the tunnel and there’s no end in sight. It’s sure easy to set aside for just a few days… but damn is it hard to pick up again a month and a half later, even when you realize you are desperately behind your self imposed schedule.

The solution, of course, is to just sit down and force yourself to do it – to stay at the keyboard until word come out either from inspiration or are wrung out of your head by sheer force of will. In either case, the words won’t necessarily be good, or even usable, but it’s the first step towards getting back into the routine and getting back to the point where you can see progress again. Until then, all the pissing and moaning in the world isn’t going to do any good… even though it does make you feel better. Momentarily. Sooner or later, though, you’ve just got to suck it up and get back at it.

Sucking chest wound…

Getting back to the weekly grind is tough after a regular, uneventful weekend. Going back after a four-day weekend is a little more like trying to recover from massive ballistic trauma – without the blood and swelling, of course. Sitting at the computer, staring at Outlook, and making an effort at being productive was just downright painful… and I think just reinforces why I need to win Wednesday’s PowerBall drawing.

I envy that select group of people who jump out of bed in the morning, fully energized and looking forward to the day. Generally the best I can hope to achieve is fully caffeinated and looking forward to going home at the end of the day. That last bit shouldn’t be taken as a slam against my job. As far as work goes, it’s really not a bad one; with a little attention to detail and a willingness to not let common sense get in the way, there’s really not that much to complain about.

Still, a job is a job and like 99.9% of the other working slobs in this country, there are of 687 bazillion other things I’d rather be doing on any average day. Tops on my list is not waking up at 4:50AM to three screaming alarm clocks. It may seem like a small thing, but I think it would go a long way towards reducing my regular feeling of post-weekend trauma. Since my experience has been that one job is more or less like the next, it seems to be that the only real alternatives at this point are to start robbing banks, come up with a Wall Street ponzi scheme, or win the PowerBall jackpot.

With only one of those three not leading more or less directly to prison, I’d say that the only acceptable plan is to win the lottery. Well, either that or somehow learn not to think of Monday as the sucking chest wound on the torso of life. Wish me luck.

Lead me not into temptation…

It’s getting to be that time of year when it becomes way to easy to fall out of the writing habit. It’s easy to skip a day here, and a day there. Then it becomes two days or three. Suddenly you find it’s been a week and despite that you still have nothing to say. After we week it feels damned near impossible to figure out how it was every part of your routine to begin with. The time starts sneaking away from you and you’ll have no idea where it’s gone.

I know it’s true not just because that’s what it feels like, but because I’ve got the numbers to prove it. November and December are consistently my worst months in terms of page visits. I’m more than willing to take part of the blame for that. I’m not as focused on keeping up the one-a-day rate when I’m distracted by food, family, travel, and friends. That’s just a fact of life. The other part of the equation is out of my hands though – it’s that there are just plain fewer people hanging around reading blogs between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I know I’m guilty of neglecting many that I read on a regular basis at other times of the year, so mine shouldn’t be immune from the downturn in readers either.

I’m never going to pretent to have much of a clue about what compels anyone to read the trifles I leave here, so I can’t promise anything enlightening, newsworthy, or even particularly entertaining. What I can promise is that I’m going to do my best to keep up a steady drumbeat during the holiday season and not be led by the temptation to “take some time off” just because things happen to be a little slow. The fact is I’m lazy and getting things jumpstarted again after Christmas is just too much of a pain in the ass to want to deal with when the time comes. It’s far better to keep plugging away and let inertia carry me through the new year… or the Mayan apocalypse… whichever comes first.

Zip…

There are a host of things that have popped into my head as potential topics for tonight’s post – the upcoming debate, the fact that Comcast stopped by my blog today to offer assistance, the general batshit craziness that has been the office this week, or the fact that tomorrow is both a day off and also another trip to the vet. Talk about your conflicting emotions on that one. The truth is, I’m just not feeling all that motivated by any of those topics… or by any topic, really. Like so many things in life, sometimes no matter how long you sit here and strain yourself, nothing productive is going to come out. Usually it’s not worth blowing out a blood vessel in your eye trying to make it happen. On days like this, you pretty much just need to accept that you’ve got zip and move on to a more productive use of what’s left of our limited evening. I don’t like to think of it as being a quitter, so much as knowing when it’s time to defer any additional beating of a horse that’s already gone to the hereafter.

Post in which the author lets it slide…

OK, ok, yeah. I know it’s been a few days since I did anything even remotely close to looking at the blog. Writing is one of those projects that requires some kind of internal motivation and for the last couple of days we’ve been smack in the middle of a confluence of busy and unmotivated. That’s not a recipe for good (or even marginal) blogging, so like any good man I simply chose to ignore the problem until it went away on its own. And since I’m here pecking at the keyboard this morning, I suppose that was a successful course of action… Even if it only results in a 199 word update about the recent lack of words.

I know most people won’t believe it, but I generally only talk when I have something to say. Sure, that’s usually more often than not, but I’m not the kind of person who is unduly bothered by long, awkward silences. Hopefully the week ahead will end up giving me a few more things worth talking about, because frankly it’s hard to run a blog when you just don’t have much to say. Maybe we can just chalk it up to general summertime laziness.

Monday…

It’s Monday. That means I should write something even if all I want to do is ignore this whole writing thing and vege out in front of the television. It occurs to me that writing is a lot like exercise that way. No matter how much you know you should do it, you head concocts all sorts of new and interesting reasons why you should really put it off until tomorrow. After all, tomorrow you’ll be sure to have plenty of motivation and time and energy to spare, right? You see that’s the catch. It’s always easy to start something, but seeing it through the nowhere land between the beginning and the end is something else entirely. Still, writing is way more interesting than peddling away on that damnable stationary bike I have sitting in the basement. It’s possible that I may have stumbled upon a way to keep myself motivated on these many nights I don’t feel like I can churn out another word. All I have to do is remember that my other option is spending quality time spinning my wheel and going nowhere. Maybe it’s not the most healthy kind of motivation, but on Monday night, I’ll take what I can get.

Proportional motivation…

If the last two days are any indication of how the rest of the warm months are going to go, it’s seems like it could be a very long summer. I have a working hypothesis that my level of motivation is directly proportional to the temperature. The further the temperature climbs past 70, the further my motivation to do anything indoors seems to suffer. Of course it doesn’t help that the thermostat in the office seems to be stuck on 80 degrees. Productivity after lunch? Forget it. Between the heat in the building and a full stomach, just managing to stay awake feels a bit like a full time job.

Eventually, I’m sure they’ll get around to switching over to air conditioning in this wonderful new billion dollar building. In the meantime it’s not fit for men nor beasts. If I seem more surly that usual, at least you’ll know why.

A matter of motivation…

In 1885, President Grant was dying of throat cancer but somehow found the motivation to write his two volume memoirs. By way of contrast, in 2012 I’ve got a head cold and can’t seem to find the motivation to write more than a half dozen lines at a time. Maybe it’s a generational difference in work ethic or possibly I’d have a lot more to say if my body were trying to destroy me from the inside. Either way, I don’t have nothin’ to say about nothin’ tonight. Sometimes that’s for the best.

Post holiday meh…

It’s officially the time of year when there’s really nothing to look forward to. I’ve burned off my mountain of annual leave and I’m sitting here looking at a calendar with way too many meetings and far too few days off marked up. There’s something bad for the soul about staring into the teeth of too many five-day work weeks in a row. Maybe it’s time to start plotting where I can sneak off to for spring break. Just because I finished off my undergrad degree the better part of two decades ago doesn’t mean I should go somewhere warm and enjoy the sights, right? Now that I think about it, it’s possible I have something to look forward to after all. Besides, Martin Luther King Day is coming up next week. That’s as good a reason for a long weekend as any.

Editorial Note: This part of a continuing series of posts previously available on a now defunct website. They are appearing on http://www.jeffreytharp.com for the first time. This post has been time stamped to correspond to its original publication date.