Monthly Archives: March 2011

Mr. Clean…

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I think it’s great that we have a contractor that handles the building’s janitorial services – cleaning restrooms, emptying trash, buffing the hallways. But I don’t understand why all of those things need to happen during normal business hours. Ever tried having a phone conversation when 2 industrial strength vacuum cleaners were running in your 40×40 foot section of cubicle farm? I don’t recommend it.

And while I’m on the topic of office cleanliness I’d happily trade one round of vacuuming a week for the occasional pass of a swiffer over the top of the cubicle walls. As a small test, I’ve had my name written in the dust on top of a file cabinet since Christmas. Seriously. I occasionally have to go back and go over it again it so the new dust doesn’t fill it in. I understand that it’s an office and not an operating room, but some attention to the little things would go a long way.

Editorial Note: This is part of a continuing series of previously unattributed posts appearing on http://www.jeffreytharp.com for the first time. This post has been time stamped to correspond to its original publication date.

Live from Saddle Creek…

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11:30 CST – A ground level reconnaissance pass reveals approximately 20 holding a place in line. Holding fast on the plan to arrive at 2:00 for my own spot. Regular updates will follow.

2:15 – it’s a line, but not the worst I’ve seen for a product launch. Lots of milling around for the next few hours. Check back!

2:25 – Thanks for the free Starbucks, Apple. Well played.

2:36 – according to the nice Apple store guy who just came by, I’m #74 in line. It’s a pretty stringy line, but very surprised I’m under the 100 mark.

3:35 – Hour and a half to go! It’s, ah, warmed up out here quite a bit. And concrete is not comfortable for sitting. You’d think that’s something I’d remember from year to year. Fortunately there are two very attractive, yet sadly very married, young ladies in line in front of me for good conversation. It doesn’t make the concrete any softer, but it certainly passes the time.

4:20 – Quite a line behind me at this point. Actually more of a clump.

4:40 – counting down now. 20 minutes till go time. Reports from the east coast sound positive for the device and a quick sales process.

4:50 – Obligatory cheering Apple employees.

5:00 – open for business!

5:10 – official ticket passing out. Size not specified, but guaranteed not to be out of stock completely. This is a good, good thing.

5:15 – made it to the velvet rope. I feel very VIP.

5:20 – front of the line. Check back for the unboxing results.

Stand to the right…

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Since there were no pre-orders or reservations for the iPad 2, there’s really no difference between standing on the right or left this time around. All the early adopters and true believers are going to be lumped together with the casual buyers tomorrow. Probably a good move if your goal is to generate nice lines at 5:00 in time zones across America… conveniently scheduled to coincide with the evening local and network news cycles. Needless publicity stunt or not, I’ll be there tomorrow – in one of those rare moments when my desire for new and shiny overcomes my natural aversion to large groups of people.

I’ve got my product all picked out – 16GB, wifi, 3G over AT&T (seriously, they’re good for data… actual phone calls, of course, still suck). A spur of the moment panic about “what if” storage needs could bump that up to 32GB at the moment of truth, though. I mean who wants to be caught without enough storage for a crapload of TV episodes, songs, and apps, and the occasional movie, right? Although the new ability to stream media around the house may make the larger sizes redundant for all but the most serious power users.

Hopefully by this time tomorrow I’ll be home fondling my newest piece of kit. If you want the scoop, check back here in around 2:00 CST tomorrow when I’ll be blogging live and in person from the Apple Store in Memphis. Geeky? You bet. Fortunately, I’m pretty OK with that. See you in line!

Outlook…

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I’ve been operating on the apparently misguided assumption that Microsoft Outlook was the standard issue email client for federal offices everywhere since the dawn of time… or at least the last 15 years, whichever came first. At least that was my assumption until I overheard this conversation this morning…

Supervisor: Your inbox filled up over the weekend. Make sure you clean it out and move large files to your archive folders so they’re not taking up space on the email server.

Employee: It’s not my fault my inbox fills up. If people didn’t wait till the last minute to send stuff in, there wouldn’t be a problem.

Supervisor: But if you move those big files out of your inbox *pointing at the screen* we can solve the problem.

Employee: But I need those files.

Supervisor: I know, but they’ll be saved in your personal files so you can still get to them.

Employee: Well, I asked to go to that Outlook class but didn’t get in. This isn’t like the old Outlook so I need training and it’s hard to get into those classes. They’re always full. I don’t know why people can’t just spread out when they send stuff in…

Sigh.

Is Outlook really so hard to use that 60 people a month are signed up for training on how to schedule meetings and set up personal folders? I’ve been using Outlook since I got my first “real” job in the summer of 2000… Not like this is exactly a new piece of software we’re dealing with here. Sure, it’s been updated a touch now and then, but it’s still the same old Outlook that it has always been.

I guess the real question in my mind isn’t so much why that many people are signed up for training as it is how someone gets to be a 40-something year old career bureaucrat without knowing how to use email?

 

Editorial Note: This part of a continuing series of previously de-published blogs appearing on http://www.jeffreytharp.com for the first time. This post has been time stamped to correspond to its original publication date.

200 and climbing…

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For those playing along with the fun filled and exciting game of How Many Resumes can Jeff Send Out Before Losing His Bloody Mind, the total now stands just north of the 200 mark. This is perhaps more impressive in the fact that it was at the 199 point that I ran out of available positions to apply for with the Army. So from here on out, we’re broadening the scope to include Army and every other government agency in the MD-DC-VA-PA area. Thank God for http://www.usajobs.com. I don’t know how anyone ever did this back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and resumes were delivered on paper.

If you’re curious about what lucky #200 was, that would be a Strategic Analyst on the Joint Staff. It’s a little vague on the duties, but it’s a pretty sweet title. Nothing appeals the heart stings of a career bureaucrat like a title bump… well, a title bump and a kickin’ retirement system. In the also-ran category for the #200 place of honor was Senior Advisor to the Treasurer of the United States. If you think the Joint Staff is vague, try figuring out what a “Senior Advisor” is supposed to spend their day doing. I read the job announcement twice and still didn’t really figure it out… but apparently the Treasurer needs two of them.

Winning the creepiest job announcement of the day is Army Intelligence, with a position that called for, among other things, background checks, urinalysis, polygraphs, credit checks, and psych evaluations. Those things aren’t really a problem, but when I came across a “condition of employment” that read: 7.) Must be willing to work unusual extended hours and forego conveniences normally afforded to civilian employees in CONUS/OCONUS, I decided that foregoing normal conveniences probably wasn’t something I was going to be interested in. That ones’s a rare pass.

Boxes, boxes everywhere…

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Back in January, I was operating under the assumption that a move was just around the corner. In an effort to save time later, I set about boxing up those things that were “non-essential” and that I could live without for a few weeks during the transition period. What I anticipated being a few weeks, has drug out over two months now and is well on its way to shattering the three month mark before anything resembling a move takes place.

It seems I may have jumped the gun a bit on being prepared. The spare bedroom? Sure, that’s not a problem. I never spent any time in there anyway. The DVDs? OK, but I’m starting to feel the pain on that one. The biggest problem in this premature packing extravaganza is that every tool and general household item I own is boxed up and stacked neatly in the corner of the garage.

Need a light bulb? It’s in a box. Screwdriver? In a box. I’ve learned an important lesson here. Many of the things I have laying around the house are definitely non-essential… for a few weeks. Anything more than that and it gets to be a downright inconvenient proposition. So far, I’m resisting the temptation to crack open the boxes and making due with a Swiss army knife and Leatherman as household fix it tools. I’m reading a lot more to make up for the DVD’s now stacked up behind the couch. Unpacking these boxes even just to alleviate some bit of inconvenience would be like admitting defeat on some level… but I shall never surrender.

The problem with blogging…

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I love writing. In a world that didn’t have bills to pay, that’s probably what I’d spend my time doing. As it is, I scratch that itch here as often as I can. The other side of the blogging coin, is that you tend to get sucked into reading way more content than you actually write. That’s fine, because looking at other’s work teaches you alot. Good writing makes you think. Great writing forces you to refine and improve how you do it yourself. But the internet is a big place and the sheer volume of available voices can get overwhelming.

There’s not alot of rhyme or reason for the blogs I read on a regular basis. Some are written by old friends others I’ve stumbled across by accident. Their content is everything from cooking tips to, well, what many would consider to be descriptions of seriously disturbed personal lives. They’re all good for different reasons. The more I write, the more I realize just how difficult it is to keep churning out good, readable material on a consistant basis. And some of these people are posting 1000-word pieces every day. I’m a touch jealous of that.

So the problem with blogging isn’t so much that there’s nothing to write about, it’s that if you’re not careful, you can spend all of your time reading and not nearly enough writing for yourself. In the grand scheme, I suppose that’s not such a bad problem to have.

Hot mess…

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I’ve never been a celebrity watcher. I probably couldn’t name the top five movies in the past year or any of the current top ten songs on the pop charts. That being said, I can’t seem to look away from the ongoing train wreck that is Charlie Sheen. In fact, I’m watching Charlie on ustream while I’m writing this. I have absolutely no idea why. But I can’t seem to look away.

Waiting game…

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It seems that my fears weren’t completely unfounded. The fine folks at the Civilian Personnel office quietly posted a memo on their website yesterday afternoon giving notice that the current hiring freeze is extended through at least April 1st. So it seems Pennsylvania is at least another 30 days out of reach, if reachable at all.

On a positive note, I had an interview for a different job this morning. I thought it went reasonably well. It seems shameless self-promotion isn’t one of the things I have trouble with. Thank God for small mercies.

The waiting game begins again. First offer that at least meets my current salary and picks up the tab to move my stuff back to the east coast wins!

Interview with a logistician… reloaded

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I’m getting my research and cheat sheets together for another interview. Like the last one, names and locations aren’t a subject for discussion at this early stage of the game. Suffice to say the position in question it’s somewhere in a north-easterly direction from Memphis. With the ridiculously bad luck I’ve had locking down new and interesting employment opportunities in the last six months, let’s just say that I’m not holding out great expectations for this coming together. Still, I’ll be glad of another opportunity to make my pitch.

As of this morning, the record stands at 187 resumes sent out, 107 not selected, 73 open pending review, 7 made the cut and are in the hands of a hiring official, and 2 interviews have been scheduled. Still waiting for that law of large numbers to kick in.