Monthly Archives: September 2012

Breaking routine…

Posted on by

Going for at least one post a day is a personal goal around here. I like to think I hit the mark more often than not unless there’s some intervening traumatic life event that gets in the way of sitting down and knocking out a few hundred words. Looking at the next couple of days, though, I’m just giving everyone a heads up that it might be quiet around here this week. Getting up early, driving to Baltimore, and getting home late for the next four days is going to put a squeeze on free time… and since writing occupies a big block of available time in the evenings, that’s pretty much what’s going to end up getting squeezed off the daily itinerary.

Being a dedicated creature of habit, you can well imagine how excited I am to have my finely honed scheduled screwed with for the rest of the week… and given my track record for tolerating dumb things in a training environment, I’m going to consider it a win as long as I manage to avoid getting thrown out or picking a fist fight (not necessarily in that order). Otherwise, I’d just like to get this week over as expeditiously as possible and get back to our regularly scheduled activities.

The only good thing I can think of when it comes to being stuck in training for the week is that it gives me a whole new crop of people to observe and make snarky comments about. I might not get to post these little gems right away, but rest assured I’ll be taking copious notes and the whole story will come out. Eventually. Unless the room we’re in has wifi of course, and then it’s game on from the time I walk through the door in the morning.

Phone behaving badly or: My excuse to go to the Apple Store…

Posted on by

In case anyone has been trying to reach me, I apparently have a phone problem. After getting an irate phone call wondering why I haven’t returned any of a dozen text messages that were sent in my direction, I thought it wise to give my friends at AT&T a call. After a little over an hour on the horn with three levels of tech support they narrowed it down to a) a SIM card issue or b) a hardware issue. Apparently the only thing they know for sure is it’s not an issue with their network. They at least were nice enough to point out that “oh yes, we can see a number of failed texts coming in to your number today… that’s really weird.” Really weird particularly because just as many were making it through the system as well. Sigh.

To make the long story of technical support a little shorter, they wanted me to go over to the local AT&T store this morning and let them fiddle with the SIM for a while. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I don’t actually know where the closest AT&T store actually is. In the event that it’s an actual hardware issue rather than just a SIM thing, I thought it would be a better idea to go ahead and bring my ailing 4S back to the Apple Store from whence it came… Which is fine, because I have an unholy love of the Apple Store… except for the part where it’s Saturday, and at the mall, and it’s going to be full of people. And we all know how I feel about places like that.

If there’s any up side to this, it’s probably that whoever decides to buy my iPhone after I pick up the new model in two weeks will in all likelihood be getting a freshly refurbished replacement model since a swap out is pretty much the standard procedure for my trips to the Genius Bar. Still I wish the old girl had held out for just a another 14 days and saved me the trouble. And if anyone out there has tried to text me in let’s say the last 24 hours and hasn’t gotten a response, yeah, sorry about that. Hopefully by around 1:00 this afternoon we’ll have things resolved… or not. It’d say that odds are 50/50 at best that incoming texts will ever be reliable again, but that’s just the optimist in me coming through.

What Annoys Jeff This Week?

Posted on by

So it’s Thursday and by now you’re surely wondering what annoys Jeff this week. From a host of things, here are the three that made the final cut this time around:

1. Religious zealots. Every religion since the dawn of time has been based on what it’s followers (or creators) considered some kind of “revealed truth” about the universe and our place in it… and mostly, the central tenant of most major religions is the same: Try not to be a doucebag. The problem arises when people make an addendum to this basic philosophy and you end up with something more like: Don’t be a douchebag, unless the person you’re acting like a douchebag towards doesn’t subscribe to every particular detail of your system of beliefs. I’m not known as the most laid back guy in the world, but at the end of the day, if you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. Jesus, Vishnu, Buddha, and Mohammed all seem to agree on that point. So yeah, don’t be a douchebag zealot, regardless of who hears your prayers.

2. First world problems. I don’t need a new iPhone. I definitely don’t need a $600 new iPhone. I’m not even particularly impressed with the incremental design improvements the leaks have shown this time around. And yet somehow despite those three pieces of evidence to the contrary, I really, really want to order the new iPhone when it’s launched next week. Not even my best mental gymnastics can manage to transform this from a “want” into a “need.” And lord knows I’ve tried. That a slightly lengthened form factor, a marginally larger screen, and a couple of as yet unknown new bells and whistles can cause me this much gnashing of teeth is an impressive tribute to the power of marketing… and a slightly disturbing testament to my priorities.

3. It’s not the end of the world. I’m constantly amazed at people’s misguided assessment of their importance in the grand scheme of things. Nothing makes me want to bang my head against the keyboard more than people who spend all day lost in a haze of everything they do being an emergency. Things worked just fine before we showed up and unless you’re actually the next Einstein of your field, they’re keep going along in more or less the same direction long after we’re all singing with the choir invisible. The sooner you come to grips with that fact, the less bothersome these nominal “emergencies” become.

Gotta new game…

Posted on by

Aside from his tendency to rack up monumental vet bills, Winston is pretty much the most awesome, laid back dog ever. By that I mean he’s mostly happy just laying around and keeping an eye on things. I’m lucky that my lab seems to have taken on that personality trait as well. The current issue with Winston isn’t medical (surprisingly) – It’s that for the last two weeks he’s learned to enjoy a new morning game.

As close as I can tell, the rules of the game are simple. In the morning, as close to the time I need to leave for work as possible, Winston will run to the far end of the yard and lay down against the fence. No amount of calling, coaxing, scolding, or attempted bribery will convince him to move from his spot. The game only continues when I schlep off the deck, around the house, and 75 yards across the wet lawn and give him a gentle nudge. This is the point where the game gets fun, because that’s when Winston decides he’s going to growl at, chase, and attempt to chew on my shoes – all while I try not to either trip myself or kick him in the face. The game ends when we get back to the deck when he stands at the door waiting to go inside to get a drink. After the drink he’s ready to settled in for the day with his Kong.

It’s possible that this activity is more fun for him than it is for me. It’s a strange thing living with dogs. It’s a good thing they’re incredibly endearing to some part of our big human brain, otherwise no one would put up with the fuzzy little hoodlums living in their home.

Slow News Day or: Here Come the Democrats…

Posted on by

I’m a registered Republican and have been for most of my adult life. By the same token, I’m a Maryland Republican, which loosely translates into belonging to a fairly moderate strain of the party. I suspect that’s largely because the Democrats who perennially control the state house and governor’s mansion tend to subscribe to the west coast definition of what it means to be liberal. The result is a Republican party that tends, largely, to be pretty middle of the road when compared to our red state brethren in someplace like Wyoming. Sure, we have plenty of our own wackadoodle right wing nut jobs too, but they don’t tend to grow quite as thickly around here as they do in other parts of the country.

Usually I don’t think too much about the labels of politics, if only because I don’t find myself fitting nicely into any of them… but with tonight’s kickoff of the Democratic National Convention, I find myself glaring at the television and trying not to give in to the temptation to yell in its direction. To be honest, nominating conventions aren’t for guys like me. We made up our minds back during the primaries. Conventions are about rallying the faithful ahead of the long, hard slog to November. Well, that and maybe, just maybe reaching one or two percent of the undecided voters out there occupying the middle ground.

The only thing I’m going to gain from watching this convention is (re)learning that in a head-to-head comparison, I disagree more with the Democrats than I disagree with the Republicans. I should probably go ahead and switch over to a rerun of Big Bang Theory so my blood pressure doesn’t shoot into the stratosphere at some point this evening.

Labor…

Posted on by

Surely I’m not the only one out there who sees the concept of celebrating labor by taking the day off, drinking beer, and grilling as just a little bit ironic, right? Look. now I’m the last person to object in any way, shape or form to a free day off, I’m just saying that honoring labor by sitting around doing nothing productive seems like kind of a stretch. I don’t think it’s ironic enough to drive me to do free work or anything, but still maybe we should just call it Non-denominational Early September Civic Holiday to better reflect the nature of the day. Just throwing that out there for your collective consideration.

Life skills…

Posted on by

Almost every time I leave the safe confines of the house I’m left to wonder how the human species has managed to spread across the planet and survive in every climate from the burning sands of the Sahara to the Antarctic deep freeze. Clearly not everyone is as dumb as a bag of turds, so maybe it’s just the ones I keep running into who have no appreciable life skills.

Not everyone needs to be an atomic scientist or spend their days writing the great American novel, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for people to be able to navigate your standard big box store parking lot. I mean with the lines and the arrows and the signs and the hundreds of cars already sitting there showing you more or less what to do, you wouldn’t think it’s that hard to take a quick look around and figure out what the hell you’re doing. But then there’s the reality of small children dashing between cars, slack jawed yokels wandering the lot having forgotten where they parked 20 minutes ago, random carts rolling across the lot looking for a target, and the inevitable douchenozzle who can’t be bother to look in either direction before backing out into the traffic lane.

As far as I can tell, the only thing these people are good at is breeding more people who will grow up to be just like them. That’s unfortunate, because I’m pretty sure that’s just another sign that civilization is doomed.