Hello, George…

We all know I like animals way more than I like most people. If money were no object, there’s a pretty good chance that I’d be living on 500 acres surrounded by a herd so varied as to make Noah himself blush with shame. As it is, I’ve decided to add a 3rd mouth to my brood.

photo (8) George is a Russian Tortoise and from what I’ve been able to gather from research, his shell size indicates he’s somewhere in the neighborhood of 4-5 years old. Conveniently, he’s an herbivore who favors the same dark greens that I like in my own salads (translation: feeding means picking up an extra bag of spring mix and mustard greens when I go grocery shopping. He doesn’t do ant tricks, or really do much of anything other than hang out under his heat lamp and look like a tortoise. That’s about as low maintenance as you can get in an animal.

Before you decided to leave any smartassed comments, remember there’s every likelihood that George will outlive me, so one of you suckers might just end up with him camped out at your house one day. Talk about things you never worry about when picking out a puppy.

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