Author Archives: jdtharp

The worst part…

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The worst part of vacations is that they inevitably come to an end. Maybe if you sat on the beach for a few hours every day it wouldn’t feel like a vacation after 30 years, but I’d be happy to be the test bunny for just such an experiment if anyone out there wants to fund the study. If I thought for a second I could scratch a living out of a combination of writing and being the guy on 27th street who set up beach umbrellas at 9AM and took them down at 5PM, I’d be there in a hot second. Unfortunately, I’m almost positive that I couldn’t manage to get by on a starving college student budget again. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there isn’t a completely irresponsible voice in the back of my head telling me to say fuck it, sell everything, load up the dogs, the laptop, and whatever else fits into the truck, and head for the coast.

I know everyone has a daydream, but hell, life has got to be about more than sitting in a cube five days a week creating brilliant PowerPoint charts, right? Yeah. So now all I have to do is sell a million books or find someone who wants to pay me $25 an hour plus benefits for setting up umbrellas. Let me know if you’d like to see a resume.

Sunday habits…

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Because you know I’m nothing if not a creature of habit, the very first thing I did this Sunday after getting home from vacation was fire up the laptop, find the five next posts from the archive and load them up here on WordPress. I feel like I owe everyone at least that much given the distinct lack of posts over the last few days. As much as I’d like to say I’m sorry about that I think it’s obvious that I’m not sorry in any way for taking a bit of a break. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy my peace offering… the latest from October 2007.

It’s good stuff… and includes my initial reaction to being an iPhone owner. I’ll bet it’s not the reaction you were expecting.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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Just because I’m on vacation doesn’t mean the annoyances stop coming. What? You think just because there’s sand in my shoes I’m suddenly going to be all lollypops and sunshine over here? Right. Anyway, here it goes in no particular order:

1. The parade. Apparently every fire truck in the state of Maryland was here yesterday for a parade. Usually that’s fine. Parades aren’t my kind of entertainment, but people seem to like them, so whatever. At least it’s whatever until it’s an endless line of flashing lights and baton twirlers between you and the hotel you’re trying to check in to. After 45 minutes of looking surly and inching towards the crowd with my bumper, the guy watching the intersection took mercy and waved my across even though the Tundra only has a passing resemblance to a fire truck. Thank God for small mercies.

2. Key cards. I’m sure for hotels they are a vast improvement over losing physical keys and replacing guest room locks on a regular basis. For customers they’re usually convenient too. Except when they aren’t… which in some cases is apparently all the time. I don’t have any real issue with electronic locks, it would just be nice if they were consistent. After a long schlep back up the boards, the last thing I want to do is drag myself down to the front desk for a 3rd time in 24 hours because the key doesn’t work.

3. Traffic lights. Again, probably a pretty useful invention… when they’re set to coincide with the flow of traffic, rather than fight it at every turn (if you’ll excuse the pun). I’m perfectly ok with stopping at every 3rd of 5th light, but getting caught up in every single one is a bit of a stretch. It’s a crowded town. There are a lot of people fighting over every inch of the place, how about we make at least getting from Point A to Point B a smidge easier for everyone?

Sea Fever…

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I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way, where the wind’s like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.

– John Masefield © 1902

Out of practice…

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Once upon a time, I could pack a bag and be out the door in half an hour. That probably has as much to do with spending three out of every four weeks on the road as it did with having any actual skills worth mentioning. When you pack, unpack, repack, keep the bag under 30 pounds, narrow enough to fit in the overhead, wash, rinse, and repeat six times a month, you get proficient if only through the force of habit. It’s apparently one of those skills that atrophy when it’s not in regular use.

The reason I know this is because I had to swap out the bag that use to work for a week on the road for what use to be the “two week” bag. Then I added a backpack for good measure. And then I thought, “Eh, I’ll just throw in a cooler in case I need it at some point.” I’m pretty sure the planner in me died a little bit with that decision. It strikes me that a normal person would be able to know up front if they were going to need a cooler, but apparently now, I just stock one for “just in case” moments. One of the great drawbacks of traveling by truck instead of airliner is that it doesn’t actually force you to make decisions. You’ve got a nearly limitless maw of emptiness just waiting to take on all the junk you might, but probably won’t, use at some point in your journey.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go rent a pallet jack to get my luggage outside.

Day without dogs…

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Last night was the first time since I moved back to Maryland that I was home and the dogs weren’t. I’m not going to lie. It felt unnatural. I’ve had at least one of the furry brutes around for the better part of the last six years and a night without snorting, endless trips outside, slobber-covered toys dropped in my lap, and a constant attached at the hip presence Dogsjust felt odd. I’ve apparently grown rather fond of fighting a 70 pound chocolate lab for bed space and covers.

Sure, they’re a tremendous hassle with vet bills, specialized food, and a battalion’s worth of “stuff” that goes with them everywhere, but they’re my hassle. I won’t pretend that it’s not nice to have a break from the regular schedule of feeding, watering, chasing, fetching, farting, and drooling, but I’ll be glad to have the heathens back at the end of the week.

Sunday jewels…

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OK. I know they’re about 12 hours late today, but I think you’ll find that this week’s edition of posts from the archive was well worth the wait. There are some jewels here. Some real gems. In fact, I’m so sure you’ll be happy with them, I don’t think they need any more talking up… so without further fluffing, here’s what was on my mind in mid-October 2007.

Road miles…

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I’ll be logging some miles over the next week. The baseline mileage between now and about this time next week is 664 plus random driving around and at least two days of regular commuting. It would be harder to plan an agenda that would put me in three more far flung parts of the state Travelover a period of a few days. I’m holding my breath because it only seems appropriate that the universe would conspire to have me make some kind of emergency trip to St. Mary’s County and complete the tour of the extreme ends of the State of Maryland.

For a state as dense with highways as Maryland, one of the fun thing you learn when you spend time on the road here is that that there really isn’t a good way to get from one end of the state to the other without first driving around Baltimore. Still, every mile under the wheels this week is 5,280 feet closer to the beach… and that makes a whole lot of road dogging it seem worthwhile.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Myspace. I got an email from Myspace this morning. Talk about getting a blast from the past right in the ol’ inbox. I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m a fan of social media in all its many flavors, but I can’t think of any good reason to pick up where 2006 left off. It’s cute that they’re trying desperately to rebrand themselves as a music and lifestyle site, but I won’t be signing up any time soon. Been there, done that. It’s time to let the next generation become friends with Tom. Sorry, old friend, from here on out gmail will be catching you in the spam filter.

2. WWDC 2013. Apple held its annual World Wide Developer’s Conference this week. There was the usual introduction of new OS and iOS variants, a few new gee whiz gadgets, even some legitimate “wow” elements… but this year felt like it was lacking a certain punch. For the first time in a long time, I’m walking away from the coverage of WWDC and not chomping at the bit for something I need to have right now. I don’t know if that’s a product of me getting more jaded about tech, learning to be interested in other things, or if Apple just isn’t bringing the wow like they use to. Either way, it’s less extensive for me in the end, but it’s kind of annoying too.

3. Game of Thrones. Season 3 hasn’t been over for a week yet and I’m already showing some early signs of withdrawal. They pack some of the best television content in history into ten hour-long episodes, but when it’s over there’s such a ridiculous wait for the next season. By contrast other programs I enjoy tend to show up with 16 or even 22 episodes a season. Excepting that kind of production run from GoT is unreasonable, I know. Still, I’m not down with the year-long wait for season 4 to roll out on HBO. Mercifully True Blood shows up this Sunday… and after that it’s Boardwalk Empire… and then Walking Dead should be right around the corner. The 9PM Sunday time slot will be well covered, but I’ll miss Westeros… and dragons. I’ll definitely miss dragons.

The international edition…

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I get the vast majority of my page views from right here in the good ol’ US of A. No surprise there. One of the fun factoids I’ve noticed recently is that I’m starting to see a lot more international traffic filter through the doors. Now I don’t want to imply this increase is a direct result of a couple of posts talking about the National Security Agency (Hi there!), but that’s more or less when the traffic picked up… and in the best traditions of snarky blog authors everywhere I want to take the opportunity to welcome my new readers from the UK, France, Germany, Canada, India, the Philippines, Australia, Serbia, Bangladesh, Spain, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Lithuania, Mexico, Ireland, Russia, Norway, Finland, Poland, Romania, Vietnam, Sweden, Paraguay, South Africa, the Netherlands, Hong Kong, Brazil, Egypt, Singapore, Austria, Cyprus, Angola, Jordan, Malaysia, Israel, Taiwan, and the Bahamas.

I hope you have a pleasant visit here at jeffreytharp.com and find many, many interesting posts for your reading pleasure. Please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times and remember that all posts on jeffreytharp.com are subject to the copyright laws of the United States of America and traffic here is probably monitored by at least one domestic intelligence agency. Thanks for your interest in my blog.

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