Author Archives: jdtharp

From the Mailbag…

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Thanks to everyone you sent questions last night and today. I’ll work on coming up with some answers over the next few days. Churning up a few hundred words on a topic you hadn’t even thought of until someone asks the question is harder work than you’d think, so before anyone decides to hop on the “you haven’t answered my question” train, try to remember that patience is a virtue. If anyone still has any topic burning to be set free, it’s not to lait to get in on the fun…. But without further delay, here is the answer to the first question from ye olde mailbag.

The Question: Jeff, as I remember you have always been an outspoken republican supporter. What are your thoughts on Gary Johnson, as he was a republican who has joined the Libertarian movement?

The Response: Well, to be completely up front about it, the name Gary Johnson barely caused a twitch when you brought it up. I’ve been purposely ignoring politics other than the occasional glimpse of the story of the day on CNN and Fox. I probably should be embarrassed to admit that, but the caliber of candidates, their hinky positions, and the general tone of political debate over the last decade just don’t appeal to me in the least. With that being said, at first blush there seems to be a lot to like about Governor Johnson.

I like the fact that in two terms as governor he didn’t raise taxes in New Mexico. I can really get behind is basic idea about simplifying the tax code, too. In the same vein, I’m a fan of his idea to hand back some federal entitlement programs like Medicare and Medicaid back to the states. I need to do some more reading on exactly how he proposes dealing with Social Security.

I’m a little less in love with a few of his civil liberties issues. He appears to be completely opposed to airport screenings, long-term detention of terrorist prisoners, and the Patriot Act. I tend to think all of those things have at least a nugget of value and take legitimate steps towards improving national security. Of course they could all use a little bit of tweaking in how they’re implemented. In the area of drug decriminalization and same sec marriage, he’s very close to belief in maximum individual freedom consistent with public safety.

The one area where the opinion of governor and I make an extreme and rapid departure is in his position on the role of the Defense Department and more generally defense related spending. He wants to cut 43% of defense spending in his first budget, which for obvious reasons is an idea I just can’t get behind. Worse yet, he calls for the deepest cuts in overseas basing, intelligence, personnel, R&D, and the nuclear program – all areas that I’d argue should be getting more funding rather than less. I’m even more discouraged by his opposition to the war in Afghanistan and stated belief that Iran doesn’t represent a national security threat to the United States.

Could I vote for Governor Johnson for president? Sure I could. He’s definitely not the worse candidate I’ve ever seen. Hell, he’s not even the worst candidate I’ve ever voted for. I’d still have an awfully hard time pulling the lever for a guy I know wants to put me out of a job, though. The more important question might be, would I vote for him. In this case, the answer is “well, maybe.” That would largely depend on who the other options are and, as always, if I believe him to be the lesser of the available evils.

Taking requests…

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There are about fifty of you who are going to get this delivered to your inbox. Another thirty or forty will see it on Facebook. A handful will be suckered here directly from WordPress because I used the magic keywords. For a blog with no theme other than whatever happens to be on my mind on any given day, I’m pretty happy with those numbers. Unfortunately, that also represents one of the real challenges for a blogger. Unless you’ve got an extraordinarily engaged group of readers it’s a bit of a one way conversation. Well tonight I want to change that up a bit and I need your help to do it.

For a limited time only, jeffreytharp.com is taking requests. If there’s an issue you want me to weigh in on, something rant-worthy that I’ve missed, or a topic you just want to see me ramble on about for a few hundred words, leave me a message down in the comments box. This should be fun for everyone, right? Look, I can’t promise that I’ll write a thesis on everything, but I’ll do my best to give whatever ideas you have the patent pending Jeff Tharp treatment.

So come on and help a guy out… Because if you don’t this is going to look like the douchiest post in the history of the internet and I’m sure none of us want that.

June 4th…

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At just about this time last year I was standing in a house stacked literally to the ceiling with boxes, furniture, and the general ephemera of life. If I’m remembering correctly the first couple of days of June were some ridiculous combination of a sprint and a marathon. June 1st was a 900 mile drive. June 2nd was my first look at the rental house and signing the lease. On the 3rd I finally took possession of the house while the property manager was still (badly) trying to paint over a particularly hideous colored wall in the basement . On the 4th I checked in at the new job and watched as every shred of personal property I owned was hand carried into the house by a truck driver and his nephew from Arkansas. To say there was a lot going on might be a bit of an understatement. The things you can do when you’re fueled almost exclusively by coffee and adrenalin are simply amazing.

With that little trip down memory lane wrapped up, it begs the larger question – Where did the last year go? It feels like I just sat down for a minute and suddenly it’s June again. I vaguely remember a few cold days in there somewhere that must have been winter, or at least what passed for winter last year. I dimly recall raking leaves at a point that feels fairly recent, so I’m almost sure there was a fall in there somewhere, too. Honestly, though, most of it has been a blur.

Perspective is a funny thing. When I was a kid, the summer seems to stretch out forever into the distance. Now I’m half afraid I’ll wake up one morning and find snow on the ground and Christmas coming on fast. I’d love to slow up a little and take it all in, but I don’t dare take my hand off the throttle. I’m not sure I know who I am if I’m not going in three or four directions at once.

Three days…

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As the second three-day weekend in a row meanders towards a close, it occurs to me that three days is not nearly sufficient. It’s not that I have major plans or a enormous list of things to do. Everyone around here knows that nine times in ten I’m just as happy not leaving the house. The hermit tendency is strong in this one. The point is, I like I’m not on anyone’s schedule but my own (duh, who doesn’t). I like not getting sucked into meetings or repeating myself by email for the third time about something that the person on the receiving end may or may not care about. I enjoy not driving for forty minutes to go sit in a cube when I’d much rather drive 40 minutes in the opposite direction and be halfway to the beach.

I’m a year older now, but don’t seem to be any closer to really accepting the idea that I’m built for work in any traditional sense. It’s not that work sucks particularly, just that there are a million other things I’d rather be dong (again, duh, who doesn’t). Look, I’m perfectly happy to have a job that pays the bills. I recognize how incredibly fortunate I am in that respect. Even so, it’s hard to think of myself as passionate about PowerPoint, memos, and meetings. It’s one thing to do it and be good at it, it’s another thing to love it in its own right. Maybe I’ve just missed the point somewhere.

Until I’ve found some way to monitize being snarky and dispensing smartassed comments, it’s a good bet that I won’t be giving up my day job. Still, in a perfect world, it seems to me that there should be a way to sit on the deck with my nose in a book and somehow scrape up enough scratch to get by. Then again, just “getting by” has never been a strong suit for me either so I guess I’d better suck it up and get my head back in the game for the week ahead.

33: The Year in Review…

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The last 365 days won’t go down as my best year, but it’ll be up there near the top of the list. In case you haven’t been reading along for the last year, here’s the retrospective in 60 words or less: Escaped the inmate running the asylum, Moved back to Maryland, Fought with landlord, Had his Explorer towed, Started a new job, Shopped tax free in Delaware, Ate more steamed crabs in one year than in the last six, Wrecked the truck (twice), Rediscovered Atlantic City, Reconnected with old friends, Got serious about writing, Got a year older and more curmudgeonly.

So as my “early thirties” slide quietly under the stern, I’m comfortable officially designating it not a bad year. Forecast for year 34: More of the same, but with more awesome.

Habemus nominee…

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Yes ladies and gentlemen, the Republican Party finally has a nominee for president. Thanks for that, Texas. Sure, we’ve all known where it was headed for a couple of months now, but making it official seems like sort of a big deal to the media anyway. It means we can all now all get on board with the serious business of beating the other side to a bloody pulp and proclaiming the last man standing our king for the next four years. What’s not to like about that, right?

I wish I could vote for half of Mitt Romney. The half that says he wants to control spending and keep taxes at something close to a manageable level. The half that wants to use the federal government to regulate our personal lives I’d like to disavow and never speak of again. Once again, it appears I’ll be going to the voting booth, holding my nose, and voting for the least sucky of a hugely sucky pair of contenders… Unless he picks some ridiculous crackpot running mate. Then I’ll probably just stay home and weep for my country.

My incredible shrinking attention span…

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No one reading this is going to be surprised to hear me say that I’m a creature of habit. That’s one of the problems I’ve always had with writing. As long as I make a conscious effort to carve out time to do it every day, all is right with the world. Unfortunately, it’s perilously easy to quickly slide into the habit of not writing. For the record, being a not writer is far, far easier than being a writer. Because I’m fundamentally hardwired to seek the path of least resistance, not writing anything on Saturday quickly turned into letting it slide for the next two days as well. It would be a simple thing to let it slide for the rest of the week, for another month, a year maybe, all because it stopped being part of my routine for a few days. Whether it’s blogging, churning out pulp fiction, or the great American novel, writing is an act of self discipline, which is another skill I have yet to fully realize.

When the sun’s out, a few dozen odds and ends need doing, the television, a list of books you’ve been meaning to read, and rum punch on the deck rear their heads, it’s hard to overcome the sheer number of things competing for your time and attention. For me at least, it’s easy to write in the winter. It’s gray and cold and frankly there’s not nearly as much competing for attention. With a cold rain falling, it’s nothing to churn out a couple thousand words in an afternoon. Once the weather turns, I’m lucky to muddle through two or three hundred, before my incredible shrinking attention span hurls me off in another direction. At least I can admit I have a problem. That’s the first step, right?

Useless…

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There may be nothing in this great land of ours more useless than an government office on the Friday before a federal holiday. If you’ve ever worked in one, you know that’s not an exaggeration. Between people taking leave and the magic that is the Alternate Work Schedule program, no more than half the staff shows up to begin with. Around noon another 10-20% disappear to start their weekend. If anything was getting done to begin with, you can forget it after 2:00. The handful of people manning their desks are just a skeleton crew, left behind to give the illusion of productivity and even at that they’re not working very hard. Every eye falls on the minute hand as it sweeps its way around the clock to the earliest possible moment for departure.

I’ve always worked with a lot of people who take these days off since “nothing’s going to happen anyway.” I’m a bit of a contrarian about time off, though. Why burn up eight perfectly good hours of leave on a day when no real work is going to happen even if you do spend the whole day at your desk? I’d much rather save my time off for days when all hell is breaking loose. It’s a matter of extracting maximum value from every hour away from the office. Time off isn’t much good when I’m relaxed already. Feel me?

If Uncle wanted to save some scratch, he’d go ahead and shutter every office on the Friday before a holiday weekend. Whatever small amount of productivity happens is almost purely accidental and can’t come close to offsetting the cost of just turning the lights on.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. The Prius. I’m sure you’re feeling very smug and superior about the gas you’re saving, Mr. Prius Driver, as you tool along at 40 miles an hour on a major commuter artery. What you really need to do though is either a) Buy a car that can actually keep up with the flow of traffic; b) Leave at a time other than when 10,000 people are trying to get home for the evening; c) Die in a horrible, fiery crash. It doesn’t make any difference at all to me which option you decide to exercise.

2. The election. I love politics, but can we seriously just shut up and vote already. Is there really anyone out there that hasn’t already made up their mind about who they’ll vote for in November. Admit it, the presidential election is the big draw. We’re no more likely to know more about the down-ticket candidates in November than we do now anyway. It’s ok, I’m not going to judge you for not knowing jack about the candidates for county commissioner, judge, or dog catcher. Let’s just save the time, effort, and hours of blathering on television and get on with it already. A hot mess now, a hot mess later, either way it’s going to be a hot mess. I’d rather just get it out of the way sooner rather than later.

3. In what universe does it take 14 hours to respond to an email that requires a simple yes or no answer. I’m not asking anyone to transcribe A Tale of Two Cities with their thumbs, just type in a two or three letter response and hit send. I know the Blackberry you’re carrying is an arcane bit of technology, but if memory serves, it’s pretty good at receiving and sending email, so unclench you sphincter, remove your head from your rectum, and keep up.

4. Being a Landlord. If there’s anything that sucks more than being a renter, it’s being a landlord. It’s even worse when you’re a landlord by proxy because that means you have to make decisions on the fly based on grainy pictures and not much information. Don’t believe me? Let me know how you feel when your property manager tells you that you need to spend 1/75th the “post correction” value of the house you’re already losing money on every month to fix the driveway because the slab is cracked and sinking at odd angles. I should have just asked him how much it would cost to hire an arsonist

You’re doing it wrong…

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I’ve been reading a lot of articles over the last few months about people protesting the high price of this product or that product, general “corporate greed,” and any number of other economic issues. I’m a little surprised that no one has come forward to propose the simple solution yet. If you’re somebody who thinks the oil companies make too much money go ahead and scrape up the coin to buy a few shares of Exxon or BP. Convince 5 or 10 million of your closes friends to buy ten shares each and suddenly you’re a loud voice in the next shareholder meeting instead of just being a bunch of rabble standing on the sidewalk.

You know in your heart we’re not “getting off oil” until we absolutely have to, so why not take advantage of the increasing prices to put some coin in your pocket along with those nasty corporate big wigs. The minute you take on an ownership stake in one of these companies, I suspect your attitude towards profits and “social justice” will change… Unless you think capitalism itself is the problem and the oil companies are just your whipping boy of choice this year. Just remember that the free market has been at work in every culture since two cave men agreed to trade six deer hides for one shiny flat rock. It flourished in the black markets of the Soviet Union and moved China from agrarian backwater to workshop of the world in two or three generations. It was here before us and it will be here long after we’ve shuffled off this mortal coil.

Look, it’s a simple concept. There are only about 4 million dues paying members of the National Rifle Association. If the anti-gun people signed up 4,000,001 people and had them vote at the next annual meeting to change the corporate charter. Poof. Just like that the NRA becomes the nation’s leading advocate for gun control. People go about this protesting business all wrong. Tag board signs and marching in the street looks like amateur hour and the mob makes Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public vaguely nervous. If you want to see real changes, put on a suit and tie and find a way into the boardroom. That’s where change happens in the grown up world.