I Have Sinned… or The Devil Phone from Planet Hell…

Let me start off by saying I didn’t mean to do it. My old service plan was up and I was going to the Cingular (Now AT&T) Store to upgrade to the 8300 (a.k.a Curve) but somehow I ended up getting distracted by the shiny black iPhone screen in the middle of the store. In my defense I’ve always been distracted by the latest and “gee wiz” technology… Well, technology and big boobs, but I digress.

Forgive me, RIM, for I have sinned against you. I cast aside the glory that is push email service and synchronization with Outlook, but I have learned the folly of my errant ways. I will be safe and warm in the fold of the true believers by noon tomorrow. Now, I’ve seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, BlackBerry is the light. Your prodigal son shall return.

Due outs…

It seems like there has been a good deal of traffic around here while I was away. And I notice a lot of comments, messages, and such that I need to get back to. Rest assured that I’m not ignoring anyone and I’ll get back to you as soon as I possibly can. It’s amazing how much backlog there is after ignoring class, email, and my beloved blog for six days. I’m wading through class now and seem to be about caught up. As for email and blogging, I’m hoping to get back in the swing of things over the weekend. It’s taking a bit longer than I anticipated to get back up to full speed and frankly, I’m still feeling a bit too relaxed to bitch about much.

Closed for Maintenance…

This blog will be temporarily closed to allow for the maintenance of its writer for the next few days. I’m planning on spending some quality time, hopefully offline, somewhere warm and sunny for the next few days. Good company, good location, and a low key retreat from the world are just what I’m looking for at the moment. Unless I feel a great urge to share, I should be this time next week before I’m back in full operation.

See you then.

Ladies lying about in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government…

I’m generally considered a pretty smart guy, but I have never understood the thought process that goes on in the mind of chicks when they are making potentially life altering decisions. I’m a planner by habit as well as by profession and one thing I can say with a far degree of certainty is that “butterfly feelings” in the stomach area and how cute it was because he cried are generally not major planning considerations. In fact, I’d go so far to say that they are, in fact, a poor basis for any decision-making process.

Decisions of significance are made after careful analysis of the possible and likely outcomes, the severity of risks, consultation with subject matter experts, and a through “scrub” to make sure you are even asking the right questions. Without applying an overlay of logic to the process, decisions basically become “guesses.” And quite frankly, it has been my experience that life is far too short and time is far too precious to stumble from one point to another based on my best guess

I don’t mind dispensing advice; in fact I rather enjoy doing it. But please, ladies, when you ask, remember that I’m going to apply logical analysis to the situation rather than take stock in whatever butterfly effect you might be feeling. And if at some point one of you can explain to me what I’m missing here, please, please clue me in. I’m serious here people, I know there are a lot of you out there who read on a regular basis. I just want to understand what I am working with here. Can one of you dear readers enlighten me?

In the flesh…

So when things get a little loud and obnoxious in the office, I usually whip out my headphones and listen to the streaming audio from WJFK in DC. Well, I was listening to Don & Mike on Wednesday and caught the tail end of one of those annoying “messages” that a local church buys. The bit I actually caught was “… we believe Jesus was the son of God wrapped in human flesh… Not a sermon, just a thought.”

For the record, if you are trying to market your deity, it may be a good idea to keep down the “wrapped in human flesh” imagery. I’m just not sure you thought that phrase through all the way. Am I missing something here, or does this have a very high “skeeve” factor?

From Hell’s Heart, I Stab at Thee; or A Letter to the Field

We built you a sports car. A machine with beautiful lines built for high speed and low drag, taking the best aspects of the past and melding them carefully with the best of the modern. We built you a Ferrari and then made the unpardonable mistake of handing you the keys.

You’ve stripped the gears with your towering incompetence. You’ve run at full speed into every pothole and ditch even close to the road. You’ve taken a thing of beauty and carved it into so many ill-fitting pieces it’s nearly impossible to tell there was any design at all.

My God, how I hate you. How I loathe you in your unerring stupidity. You’ve defined everything that is wrong about what we do. If there is any justice in this world or the next, you’ll have a special reservation in the 9th level of hell.

Columbus Day…

You know what? Chris Columbus wasn’t perfect. He did some bad things. He also had the courage to climb aboard a hundred foot wooden ship and sail 2500 miles into an ocean that was more or less uncharted. Looking for a trade route to the Indies, he landed in the Americas and opened two continents to further exploration and began the largest age of migration in all of human history.

I’ve watched a number of reports this morning condemning Columbus as a genocidal maniac and all I can do is shake my head in frustration. I will never understand why educated people insist on applying 21st century morality to 15th century actions. Of course if we “discovered” an unknown continent tomorrow, we wouldn’t approach it the same way that Columbus did in the 1490s. We wouldn’t approach it the same way the Great Powers of Europe approached Africa in the 19th century, either. We would approach it using our best judgment based on 21st century understanding of peoples and our “improved” sense of morality. And 500 years from now, we would probably be criticized for our actions because they were not how those “future” observers would handle the situation.

Columbus is roundly criticized because he “didn’t even know he was in America.” Of course he didn’t know he was in America (aside from the continents actually not being called America at that point). Up until that point, perhaps a relative handful of Europeans had ever set foot on the continent and most of those did so in the extreme north. There were no accurate maps, no global positioning systems, and actually no way to even accurately establish longitude. And still, for God and glory, Columbus captained three fragile ships to a new world.

I won’t become an apologist for history. The history is what it is. Actions were not all good, nor all bad. They simply are what was done at the time. While Columbus legacy is clearly “mixed,” I have no qualms about celebrating him as an iconic figure in our history.

Better living through chemistry…

Thursday and Friday were basically filled with spending quality time at the doctor’s office. The complete physical exam and stress test are clearly two of the most devious methods of torture ever devised by the minds of men. It’s hard to look casual when you’re wearing one of these little hospital gown thingies.

With the exception of some slightly elevated blood pressure, I am pleased to report that I am in good health and strong as a bull moose. I’ll tear your shit up on that treadmill, yo!

So now in addition to my beloved Nexium that is working to keep my stomach from escaping through my mouth, I’ve added a dose of Micardis to my daily regimen in an effort to bring my blood pressure into something approaching the “normal” range. We’ll check back in a month and see how that’s all working out. Incidentally, I love that my new doctor is a pill pusher. No fuss. No muss. Treat the symptoms and move on. Finally, a doctor I think I can work with.

Unexpected turn of events…

My current boss has been “acting” in his position for the last year or so. Although he was one of three interviewed for the position, if I had been taking bets, he would have been the dark horse candidate, with the odds of him being selected being very long. While he has been “acting,” he’s been formally occupying the job that I really wanted… effectively meaning the only way I get promoted is if he gets promoted.

As of about 20 minutes ago, the word is officially on the street. The “old man” is getting officially kicked upstairs to the big office, freeing up “my” new position. There are still plenty of wickets to get through, but assuming that there are no serious hang-ups, a significant assumption when talking about a federal job, my promotion could come through sometime after the middle of next month.

I’ll still be playing with hurricanes, charging across the country at a moment’s notice, and probably having even less free time than I do now, but in the end, it’s the job that feels right. It’s the one that I’ve sacrificed for and the one that I’ve driven myself into the ground chasing. It’s here now, just flitting into reach. It’s here now and God help me, I want it. I know I’ve sure as hell earned it.