Category Archives: Health

Particularly lame…

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Mondays are bad enough without assistance. It’s the day of the week when you have to do the most moderation of the standard weekend attitude of doing what you want, when you want. That one has always given me trouble, even under the best of circumstances. When it comes to feeling like I had a big plate of jagged glass for dinner, it’s safe to assume that rules out this being one of those “best circumstance” kind of days. Mostly that translates into feeling pretty surly… or maybe just more surly than usual. That would really depend on your perspective, but that’s not the point.

The point is I’ve spent the last thirteen hours trying to figure out what to swallow that doesn’t feel like it’s trying to rip open my throat from the inside. So far the losers in this contest have been coffee, a turkey sandwich, pretzels, water, and spaghetti. Plus, I’ve spent the last eight hours feeling like I need to sneeze. Eight hours. It would be ok if there were an actual sneeze to go with that feeling – you know at least some momentary feeling of relief or that something is getting accomplished, but no, that’s clearly out of the question.

So instead of doing anything more productive than heating up leftovers and blogging, here I sit, sipping hot tea with lemon and honey (the only thing I’ve found so far that doesn’t hurt to swallow) and feeling like I need to sneeze. Even for a Monday night, this one feels particularly lame. If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here nursing a sore throat and not sneezing.

That special time of year…

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It’s the special time of year when the pollen count starts to reach into the stratosphere. I know this because for the last week my eyes have been itchy, I’ve been sneezing my damned fool head off, and the back of my throat has felt like I’ve been playing a game of swallow the razor blade. Between Claritin and ibuprofen, I’m holding it at bay, buy I really do wish it would be a regular case of sick so it could hit, be unpleasant for a few days, and then go the hell away until next time.

Like many of the bad things over the last half decade or so, I mostly blame Memphis. I didn’t have any allergies as an adult until I moved to the south and experienced spring with a new mix of flora and fauna. Apparently while my system learning how to deal with that, it was simultaneously forgetting how to handle the plants of my native land. On the bright side, by June I should be just fine. Super.

Mark that up as reason #6,273 why I never need to leave the Mid-Atlantic ever, ever again.

That old, unpleasant “off” feeling…

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I’m a guy. I don’t do “sick” well. It’s just one of the charming aspects of the gender that I know all the women-folk out there enjoy. In keeping with that theme, one of the things we guys like to do is complain loudly and at length about how bad we feel. Since this is my megaphone of choice, that means you all are along for the ride.

Let me say for the record that I don’t feel awful, just not as good as I think I should. Not achy and full of snot. Not shivering and covered in blankets. Not sneezing and yacking up lunch. It’s just a more generalized “blah” kind of feeling that lets you know something in your system is minimally off. Since there’s no real symptoms besides this generalized blah, there’s really nothing to be done other than load up on fluids and vitamin c, try getting to bed early, and hope to wake up feeling ok in the morning. Even if I wake up feeling less than ok, this isn’t a good week for it. Tempting as it might be to spend the whole day on the couch watching old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (my go-to sick on the couch activity of choice), I’ve done a far too successful job of hoarding information this week and have, unfortunately, made showing up at work tomorrow not an optional activity. That one part of my conscience that isn’t dead or numbed out by life won’t let me throw someone under the bus if I can avoid it.

Since tomorrow is a work day whether good or ill, I’m going to go heavy on the hope that this is a passing funk that will clear the system overnight so I have some kind of chance of being at least a marginally productive employee. In case you’re wondering, that’s about as selfless a statement as you’re every going to drag out of me, so go ahead and enjoy it.

Happy pills…

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Some pain is worse than others… while for most run of the mill problems, the standard dosage of ibuprofen is more than sufficient to dull the aches to a minor annoyance, missing half a tooth calls for something a little more substantial. Thankfully I keep every prescription I’ve ever gotten and usually have something high potency floating around in the back of the medicine cabinet.

For the last couple of days, my happy pill du jure has been oxycodone left over from the summer’s sprained ankle. To be honest, it didn’t just dull the toothache so much as it made it completely unnoticeable, which was just fine by me. To say that it improved my mood, even on a Monday morning is a profound understatement. Even with half a tooth missing, I was feeling downright chipper when I rolled into work. I can see how one might be tempted to keep these little gems on hand at all times. Sadly, my stock is now depleted and since I have no intention of turning into prescription junkie, I’m holding the last few in reserve for whatever great pain comes next. And when you’re me, you’re only ever a week or two away from a new and interesting pain. I write it off to the indignity of middle age settling in.

It’s probably for the best, really. If my mood were to improve dramatically for any extended period of time, I’m seriously concerned that it would be curtains for any kind of decent writing you might see around here. The best stories always seem to come out when I’m just short of being agitated enough to punch someone in the nose. Being chipper on Monday mornings just isn’t worth what I’d be giving up.

Sitting quietly…

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Today I’m learning a hard lesson in sitting quietly. As good as you think I’d be at it, truth is I’m not good at it at all. In fact after about 12 hours of it, I’m pretty much at a loss for what else one can do when sitting around is pretty much the only thing to do. So far I read, wrote, read some more, did some editing, drank a pot of coffee, talked to the dogs, watched the Republican convention and hurricane coverage on television, yelled at the television, read through major newspaper websites from two continents, heated a bowl of soup, and the plopped back down in my chair so I could put my foot up. This is not the life of leisure I dreamed of.

I suppose the good news is that I didn’t break the damned ankle when it twisted. The bad news, according to the shopping center doctor I saw last night, is that I “sprained the hell out of it.” Im pretty sure that’s some kind of complicated medical term for this is going to hurt like a mother for the next couple of days. I like to think that it’ll be settled down enough tomorrow to do something more than sit here twiddling my thumbs, but if my last gimping trip to the kitchen for more water is any indication, I’m not overly optimistic. I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it, I guess. In the meantime, if anyone needs me, I’ll be sitting here quietly. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, there’s a good chance I’ll have beaten myself unconscious will my laptop just to have something different to do.

Me and my big mouth…

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You know, not more than three days ago I was talking to someone about the rediculously long-lasting sickness that everyone seems to be passing around this winter. I distinctly remember the conversation because I mentioned it took me a full month before the scratchy throat finally went away. Sadly, my proclamation of health may have been a bit premature as I started hacking and wheezing all over again at approximately 7:00 this morning. I know the time because that corresponds almost exactly on the time I pull into the parking lot at the office. Not that I’m alleging that it’s a case of post hoc ergo proptor hoc. Work tends to make me sick to my stomach, not so much the ear, nose, and throat region, but I digress. Still, somehow I feel that a month of feeling less than optimal followed by less than a week of feeling “normal” and then going right back into the old hack-and-wheeze doesn’t sound particularly fair. Perhaps if I just redefine having a nagging cough and mild sinus drainage as the new “normal,” all will be well. Bugger me.

Getting right…

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Today is the first time I’ve actually felt well since December 30th. Two weeks doesn’t seem like a long time until you spend most of it feeling like warm death. So, in a phrase, I’m very happy to put the worst of this bug behind me. The house is a wreck, there’s not a bit of food in the pantry, and the dogs seem a little surprised to see me doing something other than laying around on the couch. It seems that the priority for the rest of the weekend will be trying to undo two weeks of laziness. Giving the place a good scrub should probably be the first thing on the list. This house has a creepy ability to attract dust and grime. I think getting rid of it will go a long way towards confirming for myself that I’m actually feeling better. Other than that, plans for the long weekend include absolutely nothing other than possibly sticking my nose in a book and keeping the hot coffee flowing. Some people wouldn’t find that fulfilling, but after not doing much other than staring at the TV, anything that engages the brain is a welcome change of pace.

Hope (and change)…

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All that’s really left to do now is hope that at some point I’ll start feeling better. I’m not saying that I’m lying on death’s door or anything, but I’m feeling crusty enough that I’m pretty much not interested in anything – including writing. That’s saying something for a guy who likes nothing so much as the clickity clack of his own keyboard. The fact is, I’m mostly preoccupied with trying not to launch into a coughing fit at the morning meeting and sitting at my desk pondering what on earth could be going on in my sinus cavity that would turn mucus a disturbing blaze orange color. Seriously. Without getting overly graphic, my right nostril runs in blaze orange and the left in day glow green. Back in the good old days of cigarette smoke, I was no stranger to odd colored things shooting out of my face, but this new color palate is a little disturbing. Sorry about that. I know it was more sharing that you’re really use to here.

I’m sure there are plenty of other things that are comment worthy going on in the world right now and I hope you’ll forgive me for being a little self involved at the moment. All this is really the doctor’s fault if you’re looking for someone to blame. If he’d have just written the prescription I told him to, we’d be happily back to business as usual around here by now.

Three Weeks…

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2012 has not been off to a shining start. Eight days in to the new year and I’m still feeling like dirt. Sure, it’s a better grade of dirt than I felt like a week ago, but still dirt. With the pre-Christmas never ending headache added on, I’ve pretty much lost the last three weeks to laying around on the couch in some state of general disrepair. For the record, I’m tired of it. Better or not, I need to do something other than sit here. The walls aren’t exactly closing in, but I’m pretty sure I’ve reached my limit on how much time I can spend reading and watching reruns. Well or not, I’m going to work tomorrow. I’ll probably feel like a warm steaming pile of poo, but at least the scenery will be different. I’m sure everyone there will be thrilled to have be there hacking and wheezing all over the office. Unless they force me out, that’s just the way it’s going to be. I don’t know exactly what bug has managed to get me, but starting tomorrow, it’s not going to run the show any more.

A little unwell…

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Some people go to work when their sick to prove some kind of warped sense of dedication to their employer. I’ve never really been one of those people. Hanging out the office, sneezing, wheezing, hacking, and generally spreading my ick all over the place never seemed like a particularly good idea to me. It almost feels downright irresponsible when you think about how many other people you could end up sharing your joy with in the course of a couple of hours. Under most normal circumstances I try not to be that guy, but it was unavoidable today. Even I feel a little guilty about pulling the sick leave card after being off for a week and a half. Since what I’ve got is probably not catching at this point, the better part of valor seemed to be in sucking it up and getting on with work.

My coworkers, however, were not particularly charmed by my nose-blowing, loogie hocking, and insipid mouth breathing. “Ummm… Do you think you should be here?” was more or less the question of the day. I’m pretty sure that translates into “get the hell outta here before you contaminate the whole place.” I appreciate their concern. Really. Believe me when I say if I weren’t just coming off a week’s vacation and my doctor weren’t closer to the office than to the house, I wouldn’t be here at all today. Those two factors conspire to make it worthwhile being miserable here at work for a few hours on the off chance that I can get in and see someone for some meds that might make some of this congestion go away.

As it turns out, ironically, my doctor was home sick today (like I should have been) and I got the pleasure of seeing his temporary replacement… Who appeared to be a high school sophomore wearing his father’s lab coat. Junior had a particularly difficult time understanding that the usual over the counter decongestants aren’t really putting a dent into whatever surly cold bug has taken up residence in my head. I really wasn’t asking for a cure for the common cold, just something to dry things up a bit. Apparently no such thing exists… Which means I’m left to my own devices in combining different colors until I strike on something that does the trick.