Category Archives: What Annoys Jeff this Week?

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

Posted on by

By this time on Thursday, I like to imagine the internet is clamoring to know what annoys me this week. As much as I would have been happy not sitting here at the table dredging through my head for the stuff that I forgot to write down for the last six days, I’d feel bad disappointing the two or three of you who always notice when I don’t get around to posting. So since you’re already here, here’s what annoys Jeff this week…

1. Lack of proper planning. I was off today because I live 40 minutes from work and the vet I needed to go see has an office 30 minutes in the opposite direction. Adding at least an hour to my commute and then only working for a couple of hours seemed like a patently bad idea. What I didn’t take into account when I took the day off is that tomorrow is the Friday before a three day weekend. Why on earth I didn’t think of that in advance and go ahead and make this a five-day-weekend is simply beyond me. I feel a little bit like I failed somehow.

2. Parking lot walkers. The people who walk (slowly) two abreast down the dead center of the travel lane in a big box store parking lot. Either walk like you have something to do, develop some kind of awareness of your surroundings, or don’t act surprised and indignant when I sneak up on you in my 5,250 pound red pick up truck and lay on the horn three feet from your fat asses. On a positive note, I’m grudgingly impressed with how fast you two can move when you’re given the proper motivation. Keep up the good work.

3. On leash walks. It’s great that Winston is feeling better and is healing well. It sucks that his three no-more-than-five-minute bathroom breaks per day are now supposed to be 10-15 minute walks across as many different kinds of flora and fauna as I have available. The walking itself isn’t so much the issue. It’s the fact that when two of those walks are supposed to take place (before work and before bed) it’s pitch effing black here in the backwoods of Ceciltucky. Yeah, this guy is going to be real thrilled tomorrow to be schlepping around the yard for 15 minutes an hour before the crack of dawn tomorrow… and every day for the next two months.

In summary, that is what annoys Jeff this week. Thank you for your attention.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

Posted on by

1. Mandatory Training. The first time we had mandatory suicide prevention training it was fine; just one of those mandatory training requirements you have to check the box on. The second time this year they mandated additional anti-suicide training, it was a grumble. And today, for the 3rd time in less than a year, we got more suicide training. OK. Message received loud and clear. Killing myself is a violation of policy, doctrine, regulation, and possibly law. As much as I appreciate the emphasis you’re trying to place on this issue, throwing multiple hundreds of thousands of people into auditoriums across the country and telling us that suicide is bad for the third time may not be as effective as some other methods you could possibly try. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a guy in row 27 trying not to fall asleep and drool on myself.

2. Fans. For three weeks NFL fans have been raising high holy hell about the ineptitude of the replacement refs. I suspect that within 2 minutes of kickoff in Baltimore tonight, the same fans will be complaining about the over officiousness of the “professional” refs. If there’s one thing I’ve observed from many years of being surrounded by sports fans, it’s that the officials are never, ever right… unless they’re blatantly calling the game in favor of .

3. Not Knowing. I like to think I’m educated on a fairly wide number of topics. The last week has shown that one thing I’m woefully under educated about is the basics of veterinary medicine. Honestly, I’m not sure I can tell the difference between the “I’m ready for more pain killer” whine from the “I need to go outside” whine. It may be that there isn’t actually a difference, but it would still be nice to be able to do something other than pour over hundreds of internet posts from people whose dogs have had the same surgery and distill for myself what constitutes “normal” at any stage of the post-operative game.

What Annoys Jeff This Week?

Posted on by

I’m on a bit of a time crunch this evening so in no particular order, here they are:

1. The general public’s complete lack of awareness about what’s going on in the world when it happens more than 15 miles from wherever they happen to be at the time. World events are important if for no other reason than they are going to impact you whether you think they will or not. Like a butterfly flapping its wings in Beijing, some decision made as a result of current events is going to impact you, your family, your finances, and your country (not necessarily in that order). For the love of God, please start paying attention… or at least promise me that if you choose to stay ignorant you won’t show up to vote in November.

2. Time Management. Keeping a room full of people waiting for thirty minutes without anything in the way of explanation is bad form, no matter who you are. So yeah, you people with piss poor time management skills just figure out how to get it together. The rest of the world is tired of waiting on you.

3. Car Pooling. Riding with other people sucks. You don’t control the speed of travel, the temperature, or really any factor of the trip other than where you start from and where you’re going. Being dependent on other people’s schedule blows. Sure, carpooling decreases the number of people on the road and decreases emissions, but it’s just so bloody inconvenient. It’s legitimately nothing personal, I just don’t think I’d like carpooling with anyone. In the future, I think I’ll either fend for myself or find a reason to avoid the trip completely.

What Annoys Jeff This Week?

Posted on by

So it’s Thursday and by now you’re surely wondering what annoys Jeff this week. From a host of things, here are the three that made the final cut this time around:

1. Religious zealots. Every religion since the dawn of time has been based on what it’s followers (or creators) considered some kind of “revealed truth” about the universe and our place in it… and mostly, the central tenant of most major religions is the same: Try not to be a doucebag. The problem arises when people make an addendum to this basic philosophy and you end up with something more like: Don’t be a douchebag, unless the person you’re acting like a douchebag towards doesn’t subscribe to every particular detail of your system of beliefs. I’m not known as the most laid back guy in the world, but at the end of the day, if you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. Jesus, Vishnu, Buddha, and Mohammed all seem to agree on that point. So yeah, don’t be a douchebag zealot, regardless of who hears your prayers.

2. First world problems. I don’t need a new iPhone. I definitely don’t need a $600 new iPhone. I’m not even particularly impressed with the incremental design improvements the leaks have shown this time around. And yet somehow despite those three pieces of evidence to the contrary, I really, really want to order the new iPhone when it’s launched next week. Not even my best mental gymnastics can manage to transform this from a “want” into a “need.” And lord knows I’ve tried. That a slightly lengthened form factor, a marginally larger screen, and a couple of as yet unknown new bells and whistles can cause me this much gnashing of teeth is an impressive tribute to the power of marketing… and a slightly disturbing testament to my priorities.

3. It’s not the end of the world. I’m constantly amazed at people’s misguided assessment of their importance in the grand scheme of things. Nothing makes me want to bang my head against the keyboard more than people who spend all day lost in a haze of everything they do being an emergency. Things worked just fine before we showed up and unless you’re actually the next Einstein of your field, they’re keep going along in more or less the same direction long after we’re all singing with the choir invisible. The sooner you come to grips with that fact, the less bothersome these nominal “emergencies” become.

What annoys Jeff this week?

Posted on by

Since I’ve been sitting here on the couch for two days now, there hasn’t been all that much opportunity for things to rub me the wrong way me this week… other than the enforced requirement to just sit around, of course. Don’t worry, though, that doesn’t mean the week is going to get off scott free. There are still a few things that annoy me.

1. Good, thoughtful people on both sides of an issue can disagree without necessarily becoming total douche bags. Just because we hold different beliefs and values doesn’t mean we have to scream past one another rather than discussing events and the way ahead using at least some small modicum of rational thought. Nothing turns me off faster than a politician or talking head insisting that theirs is the only possible right solution to whatever the problem happens to be. In math and physics there might only be one right answer… in the humanities, we’re blessed with many different paths to the same result, but that requires everyone to shut their filthy pie holes for a few minutes and listenen to someone else. I’m not holding my breath on that happening.

2. When it comes to getting your hands on the latest and greatest electronic toys, timing is everything. That’s why I got immediately disgruntled when I looked at the likely launch of the new iPhone and discovered that I was going to be stuck in class when consensus says the window for pre-orders is going to open. Sure, it’s a first world problem and all, but I want my shiny new piece of kit, damnit. I may just have to be more creative than usual at getting my order in before ship-by dates slip out to a month or more.

3. Ace bandages suck. No matter how I try to wrap one around my ankle it always ends up with a lump under my foot, or not being tight enough around the ankle, or cutting off circulation to my toes. Honest to God, I looked up a “how to” demonstration video on YouTube and still can’t get it more than halfassed done. If I’m every Secretary of Education, I’m going to insist that schools teach basic first aid and injury care, in the hopes that the 30-somethings of the future have a clue what they’re doing when their body starts falling apart at the margins.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

Posted on by

1. Intersection Panhandlers. I’ve seen the five of you working the same intersection for 14 months… but only when the weather is agreeable. I’ve seen you getting bottles of water, soda, and bags of chips out of the truck that cost more than mine did on more than one occasion. I’ve even watched you swap signs, thinking that maybe you’d have better luck as a homeless vet than an unemployed single father. While I appreciate your ability to find a niche and milk it for all its worth, the next time you’re tempted to step off the curb in front of me just as the light’s turning green, try to keep in mind that while your family might appreciate the insurance settlement, you’ll be too flat and squishy to enjoy it.

2. Congressman Todd Akin. You, sir, are an asshat. Your lack of knowledge of basic health science and general lack of tact are inconsistent with your elected position in government. There are plenty of ways to espouse wackadoodle positions without sounding like a giant douche on national television. It’s probably best if you STFU and start making plans for your new career as a former Member of Congress, unless, of course, the fine people of the State of Missouri go ahead and elect you anyway… in which case they’ll get exactly the kind of senator they deserve.

3. The Prince’s New Clothes. Harry went to Vegas, got naked, and was dumb enough to let it get captured on “film.” I get that he’s a HRH and all, but can anyone that’s ever spent a weekend in Vegas say that they’d want some of the less noble moments of their trip preserved for posterity and flashed around the globe as an alleged bit of news. Like so many pop culture “scandles,” maybe I just miss the so what of it all. The guy’s in Vegas, he’s having a good time, no one got hurt, and I say God bless… but I don’t really need to see the pictures.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

Posted on by

1. Parking Lot Etiquette. You might know that I’m a creature of habit. I’ve even parked in the same spot just about every word day for the last 14 months. Or I did until wild haired old biddy with a hooptie started parking in my spot. I like to think I’ve shown admirable self control in not dropping the truck into 4-lo and pushing her beat to hell Buick out of the way. And then I remember that normal people would probably just shrug it off and find a different spot instead of developing intricate plans to show up earlier each day until they discover when the biddy in question arrives so they can start showing up a few minutes ahead of her to get their coveted parking spot. Not that I would ever do that, of course.

2. Science. I’m not all that old and so far I can remember eggs being good, then bad, then good again, then bad again, then good, and currently they’re apparently “as bad as smoking.” Seriously, science, is this really something worth studying repeatedly and changing our collective minds about every couple of years? People have been eating eggs for pretty much as long as there have been people. As a species, we like eggs and we’re probably going to keep eating them indefinitely into the future… So instead of telling us how bad (or good) eggs are, how about getting busy doing something productive like developing a more effective drugs to counteract the effects of the eggs that we all know we’re going to eat regardless of how “bad” we know they are for us?

3. Things that are Self-Explanatory. The older I get, the more I realize that almost nothing is actually self-explanatory… especially concepts that are so easy a caged monkey can be taught how to do them with the right combination of banana slides and electroshock. I guess that’s not surprising, really. The older I get, the fewer expectations I tend to have about people and how they behave as a group. Still, if you’re well into advanced middle age and I need to write a memo explaining that you should always remember to answer the question someone asks you instead of giving them everything other than the answer, something has gone horrifically wrong with civilization as a whole and we are probably doomed.

And since the week can’t be completely full of annoyances, if you’re at all curious about what doesn’t annoy Jeff this week, that would be the fact that it’s a three day weekend. Those make me happy.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

Posted on by

1. Policy. As a young intern many years ago I cut my teeth as a policy guy. I know how to read them, how to write them, and how to interpret them to mean pretty much anything I want them to mean. That’s why I always enjoy it when someone decides to try “selling” me on the virtues of one particular policy or another. It’s pretty easy to spot a blatantly one sided policy when I read it and no amount of talking around it is going to convince me that it’s really a good thing or beneficial to me in any meaningful way. Conveniently, I don’t have to like it or even agree with it, I just have to comply it… and I’ve been doing that for years.

2. Roadside Produce. When it comes to fresh produce from the roadside there’s a fine line between perfectly ripe and apt to go bad somewhere between the point of purchase and the time I get it home. As much as I appreciate the three cantaloupes for $5 deal you’re making me, I’d appreciate it more if the bottom half of your melons weren’t, you know, squishy. Same with the $10 a dozen ears of corn. While I appreciate a bargain as much as anyone, I’m not feeding an Amish family with this purchase, so how about sizing some deals that are more appropriate for meals involving fewer than 10 people?

3. Salad. In an effort to be slightly less heart attack prone, I’ve been eating a lot of salad over the last two years. In that time, I’ve really only noted one thing with any consistency – That no matter how many different kinds of dressing you have, at the end of the day you’re still eating a bowl of weeds. Sure, sometimes the weeds are topped with bacon or chicken or eggs or croutons, but regardless of what you add on, it’s all built on a foundation of weeds. I’ll get plenty excited over a well-cooked steak or even a barbeque chicken, but I just can’t seem to get myself revved up for salad any more. It seems to me that life is entirely too short to spend 1/3 of your meal times face to face with food that only tastes good when you slather it in 101 different toppings.

What Annoys Jeff this Week: Household Addition

Posted on by

1. Wood floors. I use to think wood floors were the bee’s knees. If I did’t have dogs, I probably still would. No matter how many times, I sweep, vacuum, and mop there’s always enough hair coming up to build my own pug. God help me, when the sun slants through the windows just right it looks like the floor has never even seen a broom. Until I lived with wood floors, I had no idea how much filth wall-to-wall carpet hid. Ignorance is bliss. I miss that.

2. Window air conditioners. Window air conditioners are loud, dirty, and don’t work particularly well. I have two of them, which means I have two rooms that are sort of cool-ish and the rest of the house which is basically uninhabitable most of the time. Don’t get me started on the bigs, dist, and occasional black mold the damned things seem to breed. Central air is officially a must have in my next place. Failing that, I’m moving to Northern Maine where the subject of air conditioning is purely academic.

3. Green algae. Two sides of the fabulous Rental Casa de Jeff never get direct sunlight and as a result the siding on those sides seems to have sprung fourth with a remarkably aggressive colony of green algae. It looks God awful, but since you can’t see it from the road, it’s mostly my own private shame. It feels like something I should attack with gallons of bleach and a pressure washer. At present, though, it’s not quite annoying enough to make dragging a pressure washer up a ladder seem like a good idea.