Tag Archives: driving

Road miles…

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I’ll be logging some miles over the next week. The baseline mileage between now and about this time next week is 664 plus random driving around and at least two days of regular commuting. It would be harder to plan an agenda that would put me in three more far flung parts of the state Travelover a period of a few days. I’m holding my breath because it only seems appropriate that the universe would conspire to have me make some kind of emergency trip to St. Mary’s County and complete the tour of the extreme ends of the State of Maryland.

For a state as dense with highways as Maryland, one of the fun thing you learn when you spend time on the road here is that that there really isn’t a good way to get from one end of the state to the other without first driving around Baltimore. Still, every mile under the wheels this week is 5,280 feet closer to the beach… and that makes a whole lot of road dogging it seem worthwhile.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Filling up the quiet time. Some people assume that because I’m not talking they need to find a way to fill in all the quiet time. Rest assured, if something needs said I’ll say it in front of princes, profits, potentates, or presidents without regard to their rank, race, or religion. I’m quiet, not shy. There is a difference. On the other hand, when I don’t have anything of substance to add, I’m happy sitting quietly. I don’t need an endless nattering buzz of small talk in my ear to make me feel connected. Most days I desperately wish some people didn’t have a pathological need to fill in the quiet times with pointless chatter.

2. iPhone. I love my iPhone 5. It’s been a workhorse since the day UPS handed it to me. Since then, we’ve gone everywhere together. We’ve been inseparable. Sure, the UI could use an update and I wouldn’t mind a bigger screen sometimes, but those aren’t the issues that make up the hate end of my love-hate relationship with this phone. It’s the battery life. It wasn’t great right out of the box, but over the last few months it’s gotten progressively worse. Through resets, wipes, switching off functions known to draw lots of power, and aggressively managing what apps are open, I can sort of slow the battery drain a bit, but that’s not exactly a substitute for a battery that doesn’t suck. I’m trying to think of a good reason why after three hours of pretty limited use, my battery is drawing down towards 50% and none really come to me. I’ll limp along with a handful of cables and a external battery pack until the 5S comes along… but if that battery doesn’t show some significant performance enhancements, it might be time to reevaluate iPhone’s place as my daily carry.

3. Turning left. When you’re the first vehicle in the left turn lane, you should go ahead and pull all the way forward to the stop line. That way the invisible traffic gnome knows that you’re trying to turn left at the intersection and can wave his green light wand to change the signal. When there’s a line of traffic 40 cars deep sitting behind you in the left turn lane, it’s sort of a bad time to be confused by basic effing driving skills, you useless excuse for a meat sack. I have no idea why it’s socially unacceptable to drag people from their cars and beat them with a Stick of Shame for such mindless asshattery.

Liver…

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… as in “I’m going to crack open your rib cage and feast on your liver.” The entomology of this phrase has several branches. The first and most obvious, is as a reference to Hannibal Lecter’s famous liver and fava bean dinner, the other is the ancient practice of eating the body of a slain enemy to gain his strength. In my case, this is a phrase almost exclusively reserved for those who quite simply have not demonstrated the ability to drive a motor vehicle.

Usage of this phrase reached its zenith with the daily commute between central Maryland and DC. At this time it has almost entirely passed from regular use. That’s not to say that drivers in Memphis are any better than those in the DC suburbs… there are just fewer of them and rush hour is considerably shorter. Drivers in the DC area are aggressive, that makes sense to me. If you know your fellow drivers are aggressive you can plan accordingly… In Memphis, on the other hand, it seems that many drivers tend more towards being oblivious to what they are doing and the world around them, which makes them unpredictable. Come to think of it, maybe I throw this one around more often than I think.

Return Leg…

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Let’s just say that my desire to climb in the truck at 6:00 tomorrow morning and drive 13 hours back to West Tennessee is less than total. The last day is always the worst part of a vacation and particularly so when you’re leaving so many good friends and family on this end of the run. All-in-all, it’s been a great and much needed week. I wish it could have been three or four. For those I managed to see, it was awesome. For those I didn’t, I’m sorry the timing didn’t work out. And for everyone, remember that the interstate system runs in both directions. See ya in Memphis.

Red means…

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Having worked in DC, I was convinced that I had dealt with the worst drivers that could possibly be thrown at me. That was before I started coming to Tennessee on a regular basis. In DC, every driver is in a hurry to get somewhere and drivers tend to be aggressive, but reasonably aware of their surroundings. That is to say, they are able to see a slot opening up in bumper to bumper traffic before it even happens… and they are able to maneuver their car to that spot with a minimum of fuss… usually. At the bare minimum, you can always count on the DC driver to do what seems to be in his or her best interest. I’m not convinced these people actually know what their tactical driving self-interest actually is.

Tennessee drivers, as a group, tend to drive fast (not well, mind you, just fast) and have a complete disregard for electronic traffic control signals. That is to say that red lights are viewed as some kind of suggestion. Of course the typical DC driver also runs a red light from time to time, but usually it is maybe one person who was a little late getting through the yellow. Here, it seems that it’s three or four cars running the red at every turn lane. I’m not saying they’re morons, just that they seem to suck at something that most people learn to do in their mid teens. I could make a comment about ignorant hicks, but that would be rude… and given my own roots, I think it best to refrain.

There should be some kind of test people have to pass before they are allowed to drive… oh… yeah. Shit.

Back in the EC…

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I’m happy to report that I survived the 14-hour drive from Memphis yesterday and while perhaps not quite in fighting trim, I’m not that much the worse for wear. I don’t actually remember much specifically about the trip other than noting how early it got dark. “Falling back” a few weeks ago plus the late time of year conspired to put the lion’s share of the drive well past dark. Not a trek I would recommend to those who dislike driving or night or both, but if you’re good with a pack of smokes, a thermos of coffee, and XM radio it can be a good time… At a minimum, you are bound to meet some interesting people when you roll into a truck stop for gas in south-western Virginia just after midnight… I can almost guarantee it.

I wish I had something more interesting or even a soul searching missive to post tonight, but that’s all there is at the moment.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, it has taken less that 24 hours to get back to my jaded and thoroughly annoyed self… There is just something about driving around Columbia on a Saturday afternoon that seems to being out my best qualities.