Left turn, Clyde…

To help give a little insight into how I spent most of the day yesterday, I wanted to provide a public service announcement to all the drivers out there. In most vehicles these days there’s a toggle switch on the steering column that controls the left and right turn signals that alert drivers around you to your intended course of action. For instance, when you’re in the turn lane with you blinker flashing, the rest of us assume that you are actually going to go ahead and turn in the direction indicated by your flashing signal. Well over 99% of the time, that’s exactly what happens. It happens with such regularity that it’s one of those things that the driving public just assumes to be true. They assume it to be true right up until the moment when it’s not true and they find themselves pummeled by a face full of airbag. You see, fellow drivers, when you signal one intention and then do something else, bad things tend to happen to everyone involved.

In case anyone is wondering, I’m fine. The dogs are fine. The Tundra, however, is distinctly not fine. We’ll find out just how not fine it is next week when the insurance adjuster and body shop get a look at it. In the meantime, I’ll go ahead and write that check for the deductible so we can get on with getting Big Red back on the road. Nothing like doing $20,000 of damage to two vehicles because the asshat in the turning lane is perplexed by the concept of a turn signal. Meh. It’s safe for everyone to assume I’ve gone from the thankful not to be hurt stage to the throughly annoyed because my truck is torn up stage of the process.

Despite being throughly annoyed, I do have a few shout outs. Special thanks to the Maryland State Police for a professional and rapid response. Of course it helps that we were less than 500 yards from their parking lot. To my dad, thanks for the loaner car. I’ll do my best not to get fooled by anyone else’s signal while I’m driving your ride. Mom, thanks for not freaking out too badly when I called to give you a heads up. She doesn’t think this is a blog/Facebook-appropriate topic, so don’t give her too much crap about me posting about it ok? Thanks. And finally props to my evil stepmother – thanks for driving over and hauling me and the dogs halfway across the state yesterday.

So that’s the short version of my Saturday. It’s safe to say this is not the relaxing and restful three day weekend I was anticipating.

Freebies…

Some offices give away swag. You know, coffee mugs and key chains, lanyards and stress balls. Not us. We give away free flu shots. Which is great and all since it’s saving me a $20 copay and visit to the doctor’s office. I also know that there’s an ulterior motive for employers giving free flu shots. A $20 shot is a hell of a lot cheaper than the lost productive time of an employee who goes down for a week with the flu. Plenty of those private sector types go with the “play hurt” philosophy, but government employees tend to have banked a lot of sick leave and aren’t at all shy about using it. That translates into an employee who could easily be out for a week or more if they get a good case of it.

Regardless of the reasons behind it (unless it’s actually a plot to sap and impurify my precious bodily fluid), it’s actually a perk or working around here that I appreciate. As much as I enjoy time off, I’ll take a pass when it involves spending most of it in bed or in the can. Now we’ll wait for a day or two and hope that the shot itself doesn’t make me sick as a dog.

Editorial Note: This part of a continuing series of posts previously available on a now defunct website. They are appearing on http://www.jeffreytharp.com for the first time. This post has been time stamped to correspond to its original publication date.

Things I like (today)…

1. My doctor’s office. They send prescriptions directly to the pharmacy so all I have to do is get in line and pay. Less waiting makes me happy.

2. Fisherman’s Friend. Best throat lozenge ever. It tastes like a cross between licorice, a menthol cigarette, and poop, but works better than anything I’ve ever tried at soothing a scratchy throat.

3. Health insurance. $20 co-pay for the visit and $20 co-pay for giant antibiotic pills. Plus $2 in gas. Starting to feel less like a warm steaming pile cost $42 out of pocket.

4. WaWa. Your $6 salad is big enough that I actually feel like I ate something at lunch time. Plus you give me a hardboiled egg. That’s a classy touch for a gas station.

5. Meeting a suspense with time to spare and without being badgered to make a million minor changes at the last minute. That’s called productivity right there. Get some.

Better than me…

Well, we can add another item to the list of things a hick from the sticks of Western Maryland never thought he would be doing. I just bought pet insurance for Winston. At $480 a year and a 70% reimbursement, this shit is actually better than my own insurance from Uncle. With medical care for pets coming close to what we provide to humans, insurance just seemed to make sense. My vet has access to an MRI… so you know she’s gonna order a few runs through that to take care of the overhead expenses. The good news is that all of the major bulldog hereditary diseases are covered by this policy and since they tend to be sick little buggers over their lifetime, a few dollars invested up front seemed to be a good idea… Yes April, I know I could have found a less problematic dog, but bullies are just so damned cute!

Now if I can just get off my duff and start interviewing cleaning services, I’ll feel about half squared away.

Traitor…

Some day I am quite simply going to have enough of my goddamn traitorous teeth and have all the little bastards yanked out and replaced by form fitted titanium. If it’s good enough for submarine hulls, it damned well ought to be good enough for teeth.

I have very nearly spent more time in my dentist’s office this year than I have in my actual office. While that is a very slight exaggeration, I’m confident that if I laid out the days, there really would be only a hair’s breath difference between the two.

I took two hours of leave today to go sit in my dentist’s office, get and x-ray, and have him poke his head in the room and tell me I need to schedule a root canal as soon as possible. He wouldn’t work on me today because apparently I have an infection to go along with the general tooth-rot. He won’t work on me until I have at least two days of antibiotics in my system. The kicker is, this cavity developed under a filling that he filled two years ago. As I recall, his statement was, “looks like we didn’t get all of it after all.” Thanks for the fucking update, genius. I’ve managed to figure that out by the throbbing in my jaw.

Today’s trip cost me $89 with another $40 or so kicked in by Joe Taxpayer through my oh-so-generous dental plan. I’ll be taking another flipping day off on Monday, so we can spend some quality time with two relative stranger’s fingers in my mouth for the better part of two hours. That’s going to run almost $900, not including the taxpayer’s contribution. That’s more than my damned rent. It’s almost two freaking car payments. Bloody hell.