Tag Archives: McDonald’s

Of McRib and self-denial…

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In my mind I’m sure that “diet” will always be among the most unpleasant 4-letter words in the English language. Over the last five months, though, I’ve learned a lot by tracking every bite and morsel that’s found its way into my mouth. Calories, macronutrients, I’ve plugged them all into my fancy little nanny app after giving everything a proper weigh and measure. It’s certainly changed how I view a “serving” size… some for the better, but most for the worse. 

The most important thing I’ve learned in tracking everything, however, is that over time I’m found ways to continue eating a fair number of foods I enjoy. Not all of them, of course – a Chipotle burrito and a big slice of my home-made lasagna remain well out of bounds – but I’ve been able to start re-introducing some old favorites. 

For instance, I found that if I scale back hard on breakfast and lighten up a bit on dinner, I can manage to cram in a McRib value meal for lunch.

I know that doesn’t exactly sound like an accomplishment for some people. Hell, the European Union probably doesn’t even consider it food… but I’ve loved the damned thing since I was working the grill at my local McDonald’s way back in the late 1900s. Its arrival each fall is something of a minor personal celebration here.

Yes, the sandwich and fries are a touch high in calories and saturated fat, but not prohibitively so if I tweak the rest of the day’s menu. In my mind at least it’s something well worth doing if only as a reminder that at some point I’ll again exist in world of food beyond variations on baked chicken and brown rice. Sadly, I’ve had to replace the Orange Drink with a Diet Coke. I haven’t yet come up with an acceptable way to offset the calories in a fully loaded soda yet… but it’s a compromise I’m willing to make if it means I get to enjoy the rest.

I wish I could say this process has been some kind of life changing, electrifying wonder experience. The reality is, though, even as I begin slowly adding back foods with flavor, it’s been mostly drudgery. Necessary and probably long overdue drudgery, but none the less, not an experience I’ll spend a lot of time remembering fondly. 

I’ve still got miles to go as the poet said, but I’ve suffered though much longer than I figured I’d stick with it. The real question now that I’ve passed well beyond the halfway mark is how much longer I’ll manage to stick with fairly rigid self-denial. It’s not an activity I’ve ever been particularly well suited for and one that still feels decidedly unnatural. 

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. 2 for $5. In the late 1990s I worked at McDonald’s. Every couple of months the sandwich specials would come along pushing two Big Macs or two quarter pounders for two dollars. Aside from the occasional Egg McMuffin for lunch these days, I’m not a real connoisseur of the golden arches. I did notice their billboard a few days ago advertising their current special listed as two sandwiches for five bucks. Inflation and decreasing profit margins are a bitch, even for a company as ubiquitous as McDonald’s. That being said, I’m not sure that half-sized portions at double the cost from back in the “good old days” is what anyone would call a deal. Now you damned kids get off my lawn.

2. Leisurely conversation. I know some people come in to the office later than I do. When I’m on my way out the door at the end of my day, theirs may have another hour or two to run. What those people shouldn’t do is try to sidetrack me in the lobby and want, expect, or otherwise think about having a detailed conversation. A polite “have a good night,” or a “see you later,” is just fine. Wanting to talk details, schedule, and priority of effort are issues best – and only – left until I’m on the clock. These people may be under the false assumption that I’m focused on what their saying in order to contribute meaningfully to whatever-the-hell they’re talking about. In reality I’m trying to use the sheer force of my will to set their head on fire. Getting in my way at the end of the day is really the only sure way to guarantee that whatever you think is so very important drops to the very bottom of my list of things to do.

3. Eliminating the Electoral College. Every time I see a post about eliminating the electoral college, I want to grab people by the scruff of the neck and give them a “friendly” shake. Despite what your civics teacher told you the United States isn’t a “democracy.” It is, however, a federal republic operating under a representative democratic framework in which the states are sovereign, but ceed certain powers to the central government. You see, after ye olde Revolutionary War, we existed as thirteen new and sovereign countries – states – not as a federal government with a baker’s dozen of geographic subdivisions. We’re not a direct democracy and the founders never intended us to be. If anything, they fully intended to add a few degrees of separation between the government and the batshit crazy tendencies of “the people” as a whole. The fact that the results of the election are other than your desired outcome doesn’t mean that the system is broken so much as it means your side happened to lose the election based on the rules under which the election was held. It feels like a leap in logic to assume that if I don’t like the results it’s automatically a problem with the rules rather than with just not getting enough votes overall to keep the nitnoidy details of constitutional government from coming into play in the first place.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. US Postal Service. I know they’re everyone’s favorite whipping boy. I’ve taken them to task a time or two myself, but I like to think it’s not a knee jerk reaction. When a bunch of people are talking about having a craptastic delivery experience, there’s probably at least some truth to the notion. Really, it could all be avoided if the package I ordered last Monday with an estimated delivery date of last Saturday had any sign of ever leaving its point of origin in Oklahoma. Sure, I know first class mail isn’t an overnight service, but it doesn’t seem excessive to expect the post office to, at a minimum, avoid losing track of a package that has a tracking number printed on it. At the very least, they might want to actually respond to a customer request for information from time to time. As a historic institution, I want to like the USPS, but there’s generally a reason I’m willing to pay a few dollars more to ship items through a more reliable provider.

2. McDonald’s. I’ve noticed two things about the local McDonald’s here in scenic Elkton. 1) They’ve never gotten my drive thru order 100% correct; and 2) When I go inside to complain and get the order corrected, the place looks like a damned sty. I’m not a regular, but sometimes you just want a Big Mac and super-salty fries. All I’m saying is that having had the experience of spending more years working at a McDonald’s franchise than I want to admit, the kind of service and level of cleanliness I see here definitely wouldn’t have passed muster back in the day. Im not saying I liked cleaning stainless or sweeping the lobby and more than these guys do, but I do think the standards 19-odd years ago were definitely better. Then again, that seems to be endemic, so maybe it’s just society in general that’s pissing me off and McDonald’s is just a symptom.

3. Harvey Weinstein. So Harvey has decided that he is going to make a movie taking on the NRA because he “doesn’t think we need guns in this country.” I guess violence is bad, except when it’s being used as a plot point to generate billions in revenue from such peaceful films as Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2, Grindhouse, Rambo, and Django Unchained. I’m not sure Harvey commands the moral high ground on this one. Pot, meet kettle.

Policy Changes, or Be on the Lookout: A Catalog of Stupid People

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I’d like to take a moment and thank the #2 male, approximately 50 years of age, with a salt and pepper beard, and blue shirt, driving a recent model Scion XD with Maryland plate 5AB2637, for inspiring me on my way to lunch today. First, I need to clarify why I laid on the horn and then saluted you in passing with the appropriate hand gesture indicating how much I appreciated your driving skills. Just so you know, when turning left across three lanes of traffic, there is a generally accepted way to do things. Normally, you allow the vehicle in front of you to complete his turn before you pull around him and cut across his path in order to make u-turn. I certainly appreciated your shoulder shrug indicating that you had no idea why I was gesticulating wildly in your direction. The inability to make eye contact was a nice touch. Maybe I’d have been slightly less annoyed with you, sir, if you were racing to a hospital or even to work. You, however, decided to be a giant douche bag so you could get to McDonald’s. I know this because I completed my u-turn just after you did and watched you pull into the drive thru line (please see attached photo as Exhibit A).

Believe it or not, I mostly don’t care what goes on around me. As annoyed as I am by most people, I don’t go looking for conflict. Unless you’ve done something truly egregious, I’m usually willing to turn the other cheek just because further interaction isn’t even worth the effort, but you Scion XD driver, have finally changed the equation for me and that’s why, today, I am announcing an immediate change in policy.

Effective this afternoon, whenever possible I will be posting the name, identifying details, and a photograph of people whose stupidity causes them to be a danger to themselves, to others, and to the continued survival of the species as a whole. When featured on these pages, I urge all my readers to be on the lookout for these individuals and avoid them if possible. All readers should consider interaction with these individuals to be highly undesirable and a potential hazard to your mental health.This policy will remain in force until I find a better method of calling out these asshats or until I lose interest, whichever comes first. Ladies and gentlemen of the Baltimore-Towson Metropolitan Statistical Area, you have been warned.