Good night, and good luck…

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Up there at the top of the page, right under my name is the phrase “A voice of sanity in a world gone mad.” That’s been there since the early days of my time on WordPress. In fact, if I remember correctly, it went up on day one as I was originally putting the site together.

Over the last 18 years, I’ve done my level best to stay true to that motto as I came down left, right, and center on the issues I thought were worth discussing. I won’t claim I’ve always been dispassionate, but I’ve always tried to come at the issues of the day from a position of rationality and reason. Sometimes I’ve obviously fallen short of that mark, but overall, I’m awfully proud of the 4,058 posts that make up the lion’s share of my body of “published” works.

With that said, I don’t have the ability or desire to run color commentary through another Trump Administration. The first go around was enough. This is clearly my cue to take a step back.

I’ve always been vaguely annoyed by blogs that stop with no obvious reason given. That’s why instead of just walking away, you’re getting this one last post to state without rancor or regret that jeffreytharp.com is going on an indefinite hiatus. I expect I’ll still be doing some writing, but for the foreseeable future, I want to do it purely for me instead of in hopes of reaching an audience.

In addition to stepping back from my writing here, over the coming days I plan to begin curtailing my social media presence overall. I don’t expect that I’ll have anything helpful or productive to add to the current political discourse, so where I do engage will most likely be focused on animal welfare, history, and books. Others may have an appetite to continue the circular arguments indefinitely, but the fight seems to have entirely gone out of me. I may drop in from time to time and post a missive on something strongly felt, but I have a sense that it may be a good long while before I feel like that’s an option I want to exercise.

After 18 years, 4,058 posts, and 59,301 visitors, all that’s left is to say thanks to everyone who’s been following along. It feels unlikely that I’ll ever take up a project of such scope or duration again. The feedback, comments, and one-on-one discussions these posts have triggered are experiences I absolutely treasure. In my heart, though, I know it really is time to take a break.

I wish us all the very best in this brave new world.

Good night, and good luck.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Plateaus. I’ve been hovering about a pound or two on either side of 190 for a little over a month now. I’m not doing anything different than I was when I was steady losing. I’m just… stuck… in a spot where the numbers say I should be losing slowly but steadily. The obvious option – slash another hundred or two hundred calories out of the day isn’t appealing since I’m already coming in around 1800 a day. Losing even more time in the day to being out walking or on the damned exercise bike is equally unappealing. This process has already monopolized more time and effort than I really wanted to allocate for it. Fifteen months in, and there’s still not one bit of this effort that has proven to be a good time. 

2. The reward for good work. The reward for good work isn’t recognition, or accolades, or more money, it’s simply being assigned more work. In some cases, it’s being assigned more work that someone else in your work unit can’t or won’t do. Not only does that become a bit awkward when passing in the hall, but it’s also a bit agitating in that I don’t have the stomach to just let projects die on the vine because I don’t want to work on them. I wish I did. In the government there seems to be a whole cottage industry in being able to duck assignments you don’t want just by quietly refusing to do a damned thing with them. As I trundle into the last third of my career, I wonder if it isn’t time to take a page out of that book since there are no obvious consequences.

3. Buyer’s remorse. I bought a spanking new La-Z-Boy recliner a few months ago. It’s very comfortable. It looks good. I spent at least an hour sitting in it in the showroom before making the decision that it was the one I wanted sitting in the living room for the next 10-15 years. I thought I made a solid decision. Here’s the thing… I don’t like it as much as the recliner that it replaced. I don’t enjoy the fact that it’s a rocker as much as I thought I would. Because it’s a rocker, it also comes on a raised platform, and this is where my displeasure was unexpected and something I couldn’t have reasonably accounted for in the store. I’ve always kept a dog bed on the right-hand side of wherever I ended up sitting in every living room I’ve ever had. While I watched TV or read in the evening, I’d casually dispense ear scratches or pets. Because of the raised platform configuration of this chair, I can’t sit there and pet the dog while he’s laying down without throwing myself into some oddly convoluted listing position. So, I’ve done the only reasonable thing and pulled the old recliner out of mothballs and pressed it back into service while relegating the fancy new La-Z-Boy to the sunroom/office as a comfortable place to sit during the duty day.

It’s better than standing in line…

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Once upon a time I was among the first in line to upgrade each year when the new iPhone was released. That’s back when each new release was a giant leap forward in the state of the art. Now that the market segment for smart phones is well and truly mature, advances are, at best, iterative. I honestly couldn’t tell you the last surprising or novel capability Apple added. The iPhone as a platform is polished, unsurprising, and in the finest traditions of Apple, “just works” for 99.999% of anything I need a cell phone to do. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I’m not using anything but the smallest percentage of the device’s native capability. Sitting here the back half of my 40s, I’m grudgingly learning to accept that most “new and improved” technology isn’t targeted directly at me anymore.

In any case, over the years I have fallen off the “as soon as possible replacement” cycle. Now I’m about a month behind in bringing the latest and greatest tech home with me. Some of that is driven by the terms of the iPhone replacement program – essentially a lease agreement by Apple has adopted me as a guaranteed monthly revenue stream in exchange for sending me their newest kit every 12 months. It’s a good deal for them from a business perspective and it continues to scratch my itch for wanting new electronic toys on a regular basis.

I’m sure I’m leaving money on the table. In the old days I was able to sell my old phones not quite at cost, but still recouping a large percentage of what I spent originally. Apple, of course, has made it easy. When I’m due for an upgrade, they send me an email, I click on a few buttons, and two boxes arrive on my porch – one empty, to send in my old phone and the other chock full of new iPhone.

In any case, I’ve signed up for another year of throwing a monthly iPhone subscription fee at Apple and I’m eagerly awaiting the arrival of my fresh new Pro Max 16.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Calling an associate for assistance. Look, I’m standing in your store. I have money to spend. When you put the items I need to buy, let’s say deodorant and toothpaste, behind lock and key you’ve made it very secure and there’s definitely no way I can walk off with it. But you’ve made the transaction wildly inconvenient and guaranteed that while I’m still standing in your store, I’ll purchase the item from Amazon and have it delivered to my front door before the end of the day. I get why businesses are doing it, but as a customer I won’t play that game. I have no interest in spending money with a business that is actively adding inconveniences to my day. Either sort out how to deal with shoplifters or don’t, but expecting I’ll be doing the work for you is 100% daft.


2. Five-day weekend. This past weekend was five days long. Not one of them was a day of rest. I plugged back in to work on Tuesday not feeling like there was any pause at all from the previous Wednesday. That honestly feels like no way to live a life. It was busy out of necessity, but I damned well hope the weekends that follow will be a whole lot lower effort. That feels like the only fair trade off for blowing through a five-day weekend like it was nothing.

3. The undeniability of fall. Temperatures are dropping into the 30s in the mornings now. It’s mid-October and I’m steady burning propane to keep the chill out of the house no matter how sun-shiny and clear the day looks. It’s not my favorite time of year. There’s too little heat, too little daylight, and a general sense that the only thing to do for the coming months is hunker down and wait for the promise of spring. I wouldn’t be even a little surprised if the ancients thought the arrival of autumn every year could truly mark the end of the world. I know I’m always just a little bit surprised when we come though the dark and cold and find there’s still a world on the other side of it.

The good and the bad…

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Last week I had my standard cardiology follow up. The good news is that we continue to observe nothing abnormal. The bad news is that we’re no closer to identifying why my heart went wonky a few times nearly 18 months ago. I’m beginning to think this could be one of those unfortunate unknown unknowns that I’m just supposed to learn to accept. 

Acceptance of “what is” has never been a particularly strong suit for me, but since we’ve basically run out of non-invasive tests, options are a bit limited. It was made very clear to me that a consult is only a phone call away, but unless old symptoms reemerge or new ones develop, I’m to check in year hence for a follow up. 

I know I should absolutely treat this as a no news is good news situation… maybe I will eventually. At the moment I’m still trying very hard just to wrap my arms around the idea that I am, in fact, a mere mortal after all. One thing at a time, I suppose. 

In more important news, doc cleared me to start easing back into the world of caffeinated beverages. It turns out I can take or leave getting a morning jolt of fully caffeinated coffee, but I’m really, truly appreciating the return of a proper cup of mid-afternoon tea. My days of burning through two pots of coffee a day are probably over for good, but it’s an awfully nice option to have back on the table. 

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Pay their fair share. I hate the phrase “pay their fair share” when politicians, particularly Democrats, talk about tax policy. What the fuck exactly is a “fair share?” In 2021 the top 1% of income earners paid almost 46% of federal income taxes while earning 26% of total income. Sticking your hand in someone’s pocket “because he can afford it” smacks of confiscatory do good-ism at best and undisguised socialism at worst. Maybe the actual issue is the government simply has too many irons in the fire and is spending entirely too much money in areas where it has no business operating. God knows I’ve seen enough cash poured directly down the toilet in my 20+ years driven entirely by a general officer who was visited overnight by a series of good idea faeries and decided some new project or program was his one big chance to leave a mark in the history books. 

2. Training. I sat through what I expect was the 20th iteration of “threat awareness” training this week. Look, being aware of terrorists and insider threats is a good thing. But the material hasn’t changed in as long as I can remember. Some of the case studies they discuss are now 30 years old… as if we haven’t had a bevy of fresh new insider threats crop up since then.  Do the bosses really expect I forgot everything from fiscal year 2024 already? If the training is going to be mandatory – and worse yet – in person year after year, the minimum I feel like the audience could reasonably expect is to change up the delivery a bit. Unless the objective is to check a box on some form somewhere. In that case, mission accomplished. Carry on.

3. Florida. People who live there seem to love it, but watching storm after storm slam into Florida I’m trying to imagine any situation that would ever make me want to live there. Sure, Maryland gets a little too humid in August and maybe a little too cold in January. We get tapped by a hurricane maybe once in a generation and even then, it’s mostly a glancing blow from a storm that expended most of its fury by the time it clawed its way to the middle and upper reaches of the Chesapeake. Unless you live on perilously low ground, it’s an inconvenience. Compared with living in a location where I’d have to be prepared, for a good part of the year, to load the car with my most irreplaceable belongings and flee for higher ground. From the looks of things, plenty of people think it’s worth it, but I’ll never be one of them.

Feeling salty…

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Other people go over the moon for chocolate or other sweets, but it’s always been the bag of potato chips or bowl of pretzels that’s been my weakness.  Being on this damned diet hasn’t changed that in the least. If I’m having a craving, 99 times out of 100 it’s for something salty rather than sweet. That has been a unique challenge while trying to keep my daily sodium intake somewhere close to the AHA’s recommended daily allowance. You don’t realize how sodium heavy everything is until you really start tracking it relentlessly. 

I find I’m just now arriving at a place where I can have a bag of Doritos or salt and vinegar chips in the house and reliably hold myself to a one ounce “serving.” Some days – yesterday, for example – all the counting in the world doesn’t make much difference. Between my morning bagel, 100 grams of ham salad at lunch, and a cup and a half of beef stew, my sodium content for the day was shot to hell. Believe me when I tell you it doesn’t take much for the day’s allowance of salt to slip entirely off the rails.

Fortunately, I don’t seem to be one of the people whose blood pressure responds absurdly out of proportion to sodium so my reading this morning didn’t go stupid. I have, however, noticed that weighing in after a high sodium day easily packs on 1% or more of my previous day’s body weight. That’s an absurd increase while still being in a nominal calorie deficit. Sure, I know in the next day or two I’ll literally piss that water weight away, but goddamn if I’m not feeling just a little salty about it.

Anyway, I’ve been doing this for almost a year and a half now and there’s honestly none of it where I would look back fondly and say, “yes, I was having a good time.” As long as the status quo holds, I continue to be willing to trade flavor for a promised increase in yardage. Should the status quo change, rest assured, all bets are off. 

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Keeping the calendar. Among other things, I am keeper of the calendar for what my annual self-assessment only slightly mockingly calls “the premier large meeting and event venue” on the installation. Unfortunately, that means every time someone wants to have a meeting in our fancy 750 seat auditorium, they have to come through me. It should be easy enough. It’s all automated. Except everyone consistently jacks up the automation, or schedules the wrong rooms, or the wrong times, or the wrong days, and generally has no idea what they’re doing or what they actually want. And then I have to unsort them. Repeatedly. You’d think if someone can schedule an Outlook meeting they could use a nice simple reservation website. You would, however, be wrong in thinking that. I suspect these are also people who struggle to make Outlook work.

2. Panic buying. The news and social media are filled with clips of people panic buying toilet paper because of the ongoing east coast dockworker’s strike. Here’s the thing… TP for your bunghole is almost entirely produced domestically right here in the US of A. It doesn’t arrive by ship. The port strike will have no effect on being able to get a package of Charmin extra soft. Still, it’s disappearing from shelves because people are fucking stupid. I take no comfort that people learned nothing from the opening days of the Great Plague and they are the same “average Americans” we’re expecting to exercise good judgement in picking a president next month.

3. “Where’s the government?” Having been seconded over to FEMA for several hurricane seasons back in the early 00’s, I have at least an educated opinion about what the basic response process to a large-scale natural disaster should look like. What is impossible for me to miss, of course, is the army of online experts who are demanding to know “where’s the government” practically before a storm hits. It’s obvious they don’t know the processes or procedures or the sheer complexity of spinning up a massive and complex inter-agency operation… even one you’ve practiced and exercised often. The fact is, for the first 3 to 5 days of a disaster (at a minimum), you’re on your own. There’s no easy way to say it. In those early days you have to be prepared to look out for your own health, safety, and hygiene requirements. After that you’ll start seeing local, state, and federal responders in that order as roads and other critical infrastructure items are brought back online and/or made accessible. There’s no magic wand the federal government can waive and make a “FEMA guy” appear in all the places where the roads are otherwise impassible instantaneously. It’s not the answer anyone wants to hear, of course… be we collectively don’t react well to anything that calls for dealing with complexity and abstractions, so here we are.

A hell of a drug…

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This past weekend was the first time I’d been home during the autumn in probably 20 years. I’d be lying to you if I tried to play it off as if driving down old familiar roads with the leaves changing, even on a rain swept day, didn’t find the nostalgia hitting hard. It was mostly memories of fall long ago – a time and place so different from today that it almost feels like something from a fever dream. 

The combination of the smells and colors of fall bought on instant flashes of core memory… the lion’s share of which featured long trips on the band bus and friends I thought of then as closer than family. The memories were so thick I could damn near touch them. 

Of course, it’s not this time of year for me if any trip down memory lane doesn’t come along with a touch of melancholy. I couldn’t resist dipping my toe into thoughts of how much time has changed it all – the priorities, the people, and how important they are beyond treasured in memory. Some, fortunately, have hung in there for the long haul. That’s fortunate. Who else would sit around over lunch and listen to the same old stories about the olden days?

The weekend was anything but restful. It feels distinctly like I skipped the part of the week where I usually put my feet up and recover… like somehow we bleed directly from Thursday into Monday without any intervening time. I don’t regret it for a moment, but I’ll be high key happy to get through the next four days and then have a proper rest.

I’m glad to be back into the routine… but damned if the draw of falling back into decades old habits wasn’t washing over me like some siren’s song. Even now I can feel that tide ebbing away, but in the moment it absolutely felt like I could have stepped back into a life I haven’t lived in a quarter of a century without so much as a stutter step. Nostalgia is a hell of a drug. 

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. New iPhone season. Yes, it’s new iPhone season. Once upon a time that would have filled my heart with excitement. I’d have even gotten up far earlier than normal to schlep over to my nearest Apple Store for the chance to buy their new wonder. For the last three or four years, though, I’ve basically just been leasing my phone from Apple. I’m about two weeks away from my scheduled upgrade window – and sure, I’ll do it – but the thrill is gone. It’s hard not to see the miniature computer in my pocket as just another electronic commodity, with this year’s having marginally better cameras, marginally more speed, and marginally improved battery life. I’m sure I’ll be duly impressed to have a freshly upgraded bit of kit once it’s in my hands, of course. Even so, no matter how many emails they send me offering to let me swap out early for the low, low price of $60, I’m in no great rush.

2. Consistency. If I have to take a stupid walk for my dumb health, I want to get it knocked out as early in the day as possible. For the last bunch of months, that’s meant schlepping out just at the beginning of dawn’s early light and often getting home before the sun was even properly up. Now that autumn is here, though, to stay on schedule, I’m leaving the house and getting most of the walk done before the promise of a rising sun has even turned the horizon gray. One of the many things I’ve noticed while most of the rest of the world sleeps is how many people illuminate their houses with mismatched exterior lighting.  Some houses are consistent, but the number that mix harsh blue, soft white, and the occasional other colored hue surprises me. I’m not a designer by any stretch, but from where I’m walking, the mash up of mixed color “temperature” scattered across the front of the average house looks awful. It probably shouldn’t annoy me, but it does.

3. Physical therapy. I’ve been in physical therapy several times over the last ten years, but this morning reminded me that there’s one aspect of the experience I can never seem to get over… that would be the general indignity of being laid out, bent, twisted, folded, spindled, and mutilated right there with seven or eight other people getting the same treatment for their own maladies. It feels like there should, somehow, be a more discrete or dignified way of getting treated. I know I’m not looking around or trying to take in a show during these sessions, but the whole experience leaves me feeling intensely vulnerable and that’s just unpleasant.