Monthly Archives: June 2012

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

Posted on by

Europe. Since the time of Charlemagne, and Augustus before him, otherwise bright people have been trying to figure out a way to bind Europe together into something that approximates a single political entity. Charles V made a pretty solid showing during his reign. Henry VIII harbored his own dreams of European empire. Napoleon tried twice and Hitler damned near accomplished it. What do all these incredibly successful historical leaders have in common? Oh yeah, they all failed to unify Europe. By that light, I’m not sure why anyone is particularly surprised that a group of less inspiring bureaucrats in Brussels are having a tough time holding together a European Union. In the long run I think they best they can hope for is coming up with a dignified exit strategy. Even if the EU isn’t finished, it’s bound to look a lot different than the one they dreamed up at Maastricht in 1992.

Burger King. I love bacon about as well as anyone I know, but I’ve never sat here at home eating a bowl of ice cream and thought to myself, “Self, you know what would make this ice cream better? Bacon bits and a crispy slice of fried goodness.” I’m sure my fellow Americans will line up to buy this new bacon sundae, but as much of a glutton as I am, I’m afraid I’ll have to take a pass on it. It really just sounds like one of the most god awful ideas ever.

Drones. I’m tired of people spazzing out about unmanned aerial vehicles being the next wave of big brother keeping an eye on everyone. If Uncle Sam was really that interested in knowing what we’re up to, don’t you think maybe he has more sophisticated methods than sending a remote controlled helicopter to give you and me the once over? It’s cute when people are so paranoid that they can’t see the forest for the trees.

The American Plan…

Posted on by

I’ve been focusing on some minutia in my last few posts and realized it was probably time for a new rant. Not an epic rant this time, but still, it’s a start.

I started taking my first grad class yesterday. I’m working on an MBA through U. of Phoenix. I’m pretty much up to speed with the internet and working “virtually,” so I figured it couldn’t be all that hard to take classes online too. I may have made a slight tactical misunderestimation of the level of work that was going to be involved. I was expecting a cakewalk… a wham, bam, thank you ma’am, here’s your degree kind of experience. I’ve spent the better part of the last two nights reading my online “book” and responding to a stack of discussion questions, posting my biography, and saying “hello” to my new classmates. I didn’t sign up for this to be hard. I wanted something for nothing. I wanted the American Plan, goddamnit.

Oh well, what the fuck is one more thing to do every day. Bloody hell.

Azimuth check…

Posted on by

Tomorrow I’m going to a class titled something like “Mid-Career Retirement Planning Seminar.” Aside from the less than creative naming, it took a while for what that really means to sink in to my thick skull. This coming January, I’ll have ten years on the job. Admittedly, that’s on the low side of the “mid-career” range, but it still doesn’t quite seem possible that I’ve been hanging out with Uncle Sam long enough for a decade to slip past more or less unnoticed. Apparently I have. As a reward, Uncle wants me to find out what it’s going to take to retire to something other than an old age of dining on cat food and choosing between paying my electric bill and buying my medication.

I’ve got my own theory on how to do that, of course, and a guy who makes good money to give me advice and keep an eye on my retirement nest egg, but I’m an open minded kind of guy (stop snickering). I’m open to hearing whatever brilliant ideas this bunch of contractors came up with. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt until someone mentions Social Security being the “third leg of the retirement stool”, or working past 70 to offset potential market losses and as a hedge against accidentally living long enough to hit the century mark. Since I’m under no delusion of Social Security being anything more than a happy memory by 2040 and the prospect of dropping dead at my desk isn’t particularly appealing, I think I’ll plan for the more traditional route.

Either way, tomorrow could be anything from passingly informative to mildly amusing. That’s mostly going to depend on the performance of whoever is giving the pitch. In any case, I’ll keep my snark at the ready in case it’s needed on short notice.

General interest…

Posted on by

So that wraps up the first installment of From the Mailbag. I don’t know if it was good for you, but I enjoyed getting away from my normal ranting and raving for a bit. So thanks to those who sent requests, questions, and suggestions. You guys always hear whatever happens to be on my mind, so it’s been interesting gleaning a little insight into what you’re thinking about too. I think the mailbag is probably something that I’ll revive from time to time since the metrics are telling me that people liked reading it as much as I liked writing it.

As far as what’s on tap for the rest of the week, I don’t have any really firm ideas yet. Thursday I’ll try to flesh out What Annoys Jeff this Week, but other than that it’s a wide open canvas. From the Common Market hovering on the edge of the abyss, to the President Clinton poking President Obama with a sharp stick, to dingoes finally getting the credit they deserve for eating babies, there’s plenty going on in the world that should keep me occupied for a few days… and if none of that interests you, well, tough. You had your opportunity to decide what topics show up around here and now it’s back to whatever warped version of reality pops into my slightly addled brain. Smell ya later.

From the Mailbag: Energy Shot

Posted on by

The Question: How about you take on buying “energy shots” to make it through the day versus getting enough sleep to make it through the day?

The Answer: I wish this is one I could take on with some authority, but I don’t have any actual firsthand experience with these newfangled energy drinks. In the finest traditions of blogs everywhere, though, I’m not going to let my lack of expertise or experience stand in the way of issuing a definitive opinion on the matter.

The closest I’ve come to trying an energy drink was an unfortunate episode when a bartender handed me a drink made with Red Bull. As I recall, it tasted almost exactly like red cough syrup. That’s a flavor I don’t find particular appealing in an adult beverage and as I recall, most of it was left sitting on the bar.

While I can’t speak with any competence on Red Bull or 5-Hour Energy, I do have a certain familiarity with coffee – civilization’s original energy drink. I’d be hard pressed to function without its steady rush into my system throughout the day. At the moment, I’d say I average somewhere in the vicinity of a pot a day. Some days it’s a little more, some a little less. When it gets to be a lot less, then the blinding headaches start so that doesn’t happen very often.

I’m sure there’s plenty of virtue in getting a “full night’s sleep”, whatever that is. Personally, if I spend more than about six hours in bed I can’t quite shake the feeling that I’m wasting too much time just laying around being more or less unconscious. In fact I’m pretty annoyed that sleep demands even that fifth of my day, when there always seems like something more productive or at least more interesting that I could do with that time.

Maybe it’s the wimp’s way out, but I suspect that right combination of stimulants and sleep are probably intensely personal. What works for me probably won’t work for someone else. How else could I explain people who seem to spend their whole weekend in bed (other than calling them out as incredible slackers, of course)? As it stands, I’ve got maybe 35 good years left on this rock and I don’t intend to spend a third of them abed.

From the Mailbag: On Wisconsin

Posted on by

The Question: What are your thoughts on the recall election in Wisconsin?

The Answer: As a rule, I’m not a fan of recall elections. Every four years we go to a lot of time, expense, and trouble of electing our state governors. Thanks to a spastic media and more political blogs than anyone could ever possible read, we pretty much know what we’re going to get in a candidate. If someone, like Scott Walker campaigns on a platform of lowering the cost of state government, reducing its size, and decreasing the influence of public sector unions, well, it stands to reason that he’s going to at least try to do some of those things when he gets elected. Trying to recall the guy for doing something that you don’t like smacks of childish tantrum-throwing, especially when you’re going to have a regularly scheduled opportunity to throw the bum out in two years.

I don’t have any great love for public sector unions. As a teacher I was forced to be a dues paying member of one as a condition of employment. Even now, I’m nominally “represented” by a union, though it lacks the ability to negotiate pay or really do much of any substance. At least I don’t have to pay for the privilege this time around. As a public sector employee, I’d be up in arms too if the powers that be unilaterally decided to slash my pay, cut my benefits, or otherwise endanger my livelihood. Given the state of the federal budget for the foreseeable future, it’s an issue I’ve actually give a lot of thought to lately. After two years of a pay freeze, and a massive impending cut to my department’s budget next year, it’s not all that hard to see myself screaming bloody murder from the atop the barricades. Even so, I think history has proven recall elections to be little more than an enormous waste of money for everyone involved.

It’s a bad time to be a government employee at any level – local, state, or federal. Budgets are going to continue to diminish, services are going to be reduced, and the number of employees is going to decrease. The public is pissed at the politicians and the only group the politicians can kick with impunity are the rank and file government employees. From the tealeaves I’m reading, I get the sense that times are going to look a lot bleaker before they even think about getting better. Even so, I think there are more productive uses of my time and effort that playing the recall game. I’d find it much more satisfying to see someone’s reelection campaign go down in flames head to head against a candidate I support. I’ve always felt it was better to vote for something I believe it rather than just voting against someone I don’t like.

From the Mailbag: The Last Crusade…

Posted on by

The Question: Why Indiana Jones and the Last Crusades is one of the greatest movies?

The Answer: The Last Crusade is one of the defining movies of my childhood. It holds a place of honor among such enduring classics as Back to the Future, The Goonies, Clue, Gremlins, Red Dawn, and The Hunt for Red October. There are a couple of key reasons I always think of it as the first among these worthies.

1. The Nazis. The Nazis are the best enemy ever. They’re devious and evil, but they’re smart. It’s always better when the hero defeats a smart foe.

2. It’s a family thing. Sean Connery and Harrison Ford are two of the 20th century’s great actors. It feels perfectly natural to see them as father and son and to understand the inevitable tension and conflict between them. I suspect that anyone who has been a father or a son can identify easily enough with that bit of the movie.

3. To seek the grail. The quest for the grail is one of our oldest legends. It’s one that’s stuck with us generation after generation for millennia. How can anyone watch Last Crusade and not ponder for a moment what eternal health, eternal youth, and eternal life might be like? The quest for immortality is just about as old as our species and it’s powerful because for all our advances, it remains just out of reach on the other side of the precipice.

4. It holds up. So many movies from childhood are a raging disappointment when you watch them again as an adult. The Last Crusade never disappoints. It’s a morality play about good and evil, about love and loss, and about following your passion and overcoming obstacles.

5. Histo-fiction is fun. The original Indiana Jones trilogy is a throwback to a historical 1930s that never was, but we like to imagine existed. A more innocent time, a time before the world tore itself apart in the last good war, and when the line between good and evil was pretty damned clear and heroes always rode off into the sunset.

Sure, it’s not an epic with the scope of Citizen Kane or Gone With the Wind, but a studio could do a lot worse than looking at The Last Crusade to find out how an action movie should be made. Tomb Raider and National Treasure do their best to emulate this kind of storytelling, but they’re at best pale shadows of the original archeological bad ass.

What Annoys Jeff This Week?

Posted on by

Medical Experts. Watch the news long enough and you’re going to find out a few simple medical truths. Eggs are good for your or possibly bad for you. Coffee is good for your brain, but bad for your heart. Exercise keeps your cardiovascular system in tip top shape, but can damage your heart and skeletal system. Everything from radishes to ordinary tap water apparently causes cancer in mice. I think doctors are pretty good at the micro level of telling us what’s wrong with us individually, but I’m not sure they’ve got the sense God gave the common rooster when it comes to figuring anything out at the macro level. When it comes to what’s good or bad across an entire population, it doesn’t seem like they have a clue.

Jerry Sandusky. Hasn’t the news cycle moved far enough away from this that it’s not really a story anymore? Seriously, can’t a Kardashian get knocked up and spare us all from another three months of Jerry’s kid touching extravaganza?

Hopped-up Meth Heads Eating People. Zombie lore is clear on one point. The only immediately effective method of stopping a impending undead attack on your person is detaching the zombie’s head from its body. This is traditionally accomplished in one of two ways, using a shotgun or a two-handed long sword. In a pinch, a fire axe might also get the job done, but its sweet spot is much smaller than the other methods and is therefore not recommended except when other options are not available. As they did in the Wild West, the answer to the latest rash of face eating is clearly to deputize the citizenry, arm them with shotguns and long swords, and send them out to roam the streets to defend the living. At least this way, stories of the impending zombie apocalypse would reflect both sides of the ongoing battle between good and evil.

WaWa. Usually I can count on WaWa to sell me a pre-packaged salad, a bottle of water, and a bag of chips a couple of times a week. I’ve been in twice this week looking for lunch and both times their “salad chiller” was blowing hot air. Sure, lettuce and assorted other greens might stand up to that for a while, but diced ham and chicken will probably not respond quite as well. I watched a few people pick up a lukewarm salad and walk away happy enough with their decision, but there’s something about trusting glorified gas station attendants to know when a food item has gone off makes me more than a little nervous. I think I’m going to have to pass for a while. Keeping perishable items chilled doesn’t seem like it should be too much to ask.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the next installment of “From the Mailbag.”

From the Mailbag…

Posted on by

Thanks to everyone you sent questions last night and today. I’ll work on coming up with some answers over the next few days. Churning up a few hundred words on a topic you hadn’t even thought of until someone asks the question is harder work than you’d think, so before anyone decides to hop on the “you haven’t answered my question” train, try to remember that patience is a virtue. If anyone still has any topic burning to be set free, it’s not to lait to get in on the fun…. But without further delay, here is the answer to the first question from ye olde mailbag.

The Question: Jeff, as I remember you have always been an outspoken republican supporter. What are your thoughts on Gary Johnson, as he was a republican who has joined the Libertarian movement?

The Response: Well, to be completely up front about it, the name Gary Johnson barely caused a twitch when you brought it up. I’ve been purposely ignoring politics other than the occasional glimpse of the story of the day on CNN and Fox. I probably should be embarrassed to admit that, but the caliber of candidates, their hinky positions, and the general tone of political debate over the last decade just don’t appeal to me in the least. With that being said, at first blush there seems to be a lot to like about Governor Johnson.

I like the fact that in two terms as governor he didn’t raise taxes in New Mexico. I can really get behind is basic idea about simplifying the tax code, too. In the same vein, I’m a fan of his idea to hand back some federal entitlement programs like Medicare and Medicaid back to the states. I need to do some more reading on exactly how he proposes dealing with Social Security.

I’m a little less in love with a few of his civil liberties issues. He appears to be completely opposed to airport screenings, long-term detention of terrorist prisoners, and the Patriot Act. I tend to think all of those things have at least a nugget of value and take legitimate steps towards improving national security. Of course they could all use a little bit of tweaking in how they’re implemented. In the area of drug decriminalization and same sec marriage, he’s very close to belief in maximum individual freedom consistent with public safety.

The one area where the opinion of governor and I make an extreme and rapid departure is in his position on the role of the Defense Department and more generally defense related spending. He wants to cut 43% of defense spending in his first budget, which for obvious reasons is an idea I just can’t get behind. Worse yet, he calls for the deepest cuts in overseas basing, intelligence, personnel, R&D, and the nuclear program – all areas that I’d argue should be getting more funding rather than less. I’m even more discouraged by his opposition to the war in Afghanistan and stated belief that Iran doesn’t represent a national security threat to the United States.

Could I vote for Governor Johnson for president? Sure I could. He’s definitely not the worse candidate I’ve ever seen. Hell, he’s not even the worst candidate I’ve ever voted for. I’d still have an awfully hard time pulling the lever for a guy I know wants to put me out of a job, though. The more important question might be, would I vote for him. In this case, the answer is “well, maybe.” That would largely depend on who the other options are and, as always, if I believe him to be the lesser of the available evils.

Taking requests…

Posted on by

There are about fifty of you who are going to get this delivered to your inbox. Another thirty or forty will see it on Facebook. A handful will be suckered here directly from WordPress because I used the magic keywords. For a blog with no theme other than whatever happens to be on my mind on any given day, I’m pretty happy with those numbers. Unfortunately, that also represents one of the real challenges for a blogger. Unless you’ve got an extraordinarily engaged group of readers it’s a bit of a one way conversation. Well tonight I want to change that up a bit and I need your help to do it.

For a limited time only, jeffreytharp.com is taking requests. If there’s an issue you want me to weigh in on, something rant-worthy that I’ve missed, or a topic you just want to see me ramble on about for a few hundred words, leave me a message down in the comments box. This should be fun for everyone, right? Look, I can’t promise that I’ll write a thesis on everything, but I’ll do my best to give whatever ideas you have the patent pending Jeff Tharp treatment.

So come on and help a guy out… Because if you don’t this is going to look like the douchiest post in the history of the internet and I’m sure none of us want that.