Tag Archives: Voluntold

The price or: Being caught at my desk…

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Nothing good ever starts with the boss coming by asking “How busy are you this week?”

The answer, the answer I should have given, true or not, is “I’m busier than a one-armed paper hanger, sir… Doing great things for God and country.”

Instead the answer was “Meh, what do you need?” I made the cardinal mistake of showing even the least semblance of interest. I made a mistake and the consequences were swift and certain.

One little slip up, friends, is precisely how you get yourself drug into the middle of a three and a half hour meeting on Friday that up until just a few minutes before was none of your damned business.

I’ve lead the internet in warning future bureaucrats about the dangers inherent in volunteerism. In my career, I’ve never been rewarded for putting up my hand and asking for more work. Although it leads the list by a fairly wide margin, volunteerism isn’t the only form of creeping workload adjustment that can ruin your day.

While I didn’t quite volunteer today, I did present myself as a convenient target of opportunity. Just being at the wrong place at the wrong time can result in two reports and a half a day worth of briefings ending up slipping from someone else’s pile to yours before you even realize what you’ve done.

“Surprise!” Says the universe. “That nice easy week you were planning… the one with the low pressure slide into the weekend? Yeah, you can go ahead and forget all about that.” The universe is a real son of a bitch like that.

That’s what I get for being caught at my desk. I know better. And now I’m going to pay the price for not turning that knowledge into action.

What Annoys Jeff this Week?

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1. Asking for volunteers. Send out the email as many times as you want, but no way, no how am I volunteering for a “special project” without first getting the skinny on what I’ll actually be doing. It’s not personal, but over the last decade I’ve learned that sticking your hand up and asking for a surprise almost never ends well.

2. Gay marriage. If you’re against gay marriage, then by all means, voice your dissent by not having or participating in one. But in since it’s 2012 and not 1612, could we all just stop for a minute and try not to inflict our own brands of puritan morality on everyone else in the room. If you’re going to call yourself conservative, then act like a conservative and tell the government to butt out of all aspects of our collective personal lives and not just the parts or actions that you personally agree with. That makes you a hypocrite, not a conservative.

3. Underwear bombs. If your God teaches you that filling your drawers with C4 and lighting the fuse is a guaranteed all access pass to all the best parts of the hereafter, you’re doing religion wrong. I’m serious, damnit. Why on earth are you praying to a supreme being that wants you to blow your own naughty bits off? Those 72 virgins aren’t much good to you when Mr. Happy gets vaporized. Asshats.